Phoenix Regressions
by Scooby Wannabe
Summary: There is a curse as bad as an Unforgivable. It takes life, wipes the mind and body clean of the life lived so that they might start another. James and Lily Potter never died, but began life anew. But what happens when past lives catch up with the new?
1. Prologue: The End

Title:  Phoenix Regressions

Author:  flutterby AKA Scooby Wannabe  
  


Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all of that belongs to Rowling, BtVS, AtS and all that belong to Whedon…I'm just ripping off their ideas to exercise a few demons.

Rating:  PG-13, for adult situations, some references to that nice adult pastime, and potty mouth

Summary:  _Lustro Iuvenesco_ is a curse one step away from an Unforgivable.  It takes life.  Wipes the mind and body clean of the life they had lived so that they might start another.  James and Lily Potter never died.  They just began life anew.  But what happens when past lives catch up to the new?

Spoilers: BtVS Season 7, AtS Season 4, and OotP

Timeline:  A few weeks after Chosen (which I set in June for plot purposes) and a the summer after OotP.  For my purposes, the Sorcerer's Stone happened 1998/99, making the year Voldemort attacked the Potter's 1988

Notes:  Okay, um, this story kinda delves into a real life concept, that doing good doesn't always mean doing what all would consider right.  Dumbledore has shown himself (in my opinion) to be able to take a questionable path for the greater good.  Some well-loved in this story end up taking or supporting a questionable road, so if you can't handle that, then this isn't the story for you.

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"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him!  Go!  Run!  I'll hold him off!"

James Potter's clear brown eyes met his wife's sparkling green.  A thousand words with one look.  A thousand words boiled down to four:  I love you, goodbye.

Lily turned and raced up the stairs, deep red hair flowing like a river of blood behind her.

As soon as she was out of sight, James turned just as his enemy walked through the door.

"Ah.  James.  Good health, I wish you, on this fine evening."

James glared at the Dark Lord Voldemort, letting all his hatred come up to the surface in an effort to squelch his fear.  "Get out of my house."

"Now, really, is that anyway to talk to a guest in your home?" Voldemort asked as he strolled further inside.  He smiled, showing off pearly white teeth.  "You have abysmal manners.  So unbecoming of a Pureblood."

James looked over at the clock on the wall, watching as the seconds ticked by, hoping it was enough.

Voldemort saw.  "Oh, no, no, no.  They will not escape.  You see, the fireplace is here.  And, alas, I've made sure that Apparition will not work while I am here."

James tightened his grip on his wand as he realized what this meant for his wife.  "You scum."

"Now, Mr. Potter," Voldemort said, holding a hand to his heart.  "That hurt."

At that moment, a cry came from upstairs.  James knew that cry.  It was the cry of his son in pain.

James turned to look at the stairs, eyes wide.  It was a foolish move.  It gave his enemy an easy target.

"_Petrificus Totalus!_"

James lied on his back on the hard, cold floor helpless to do anything but watch as the most wanted murderer and heinously evil man knelt over him.  "You see, Mr. Potter.  I always win.  Now, you and your wife will know what it is like to lose the person you love most."

James didn't even blink.  He knew what would come next.  Death was not the worst that could happen.  Living with the death of his wife and son on his heart, now, that would be something horrible.  At least he was going first.

Voldemort smiled, as if knowing his very thought.  "Oh, no.  Not you.  Not her.  Your child."

James eyes went wide.

"_Stupefy_!"

***~~~***

"James?  James, wake up.  Yer needin' ta be gettin' up."

James' eyes fluttered open.  He looked up at the giant of a man hunched over him.  "Hagrid?"

Rubeus Hagrid smiled broadly.  "There you are, then.  You and Lily had me scared with this wreck an' all."

James sat up, looking around frantically, ignoring the rushing sound in his ears that told him to lie back down.  The house was demolished, in a shambles around him.  But he didn't care.  "Lily?"

"She's 'ere," Hagrid said gently, motioning down next to James.  She was there, looking perfect and peaceful, even though she was filthy, eyes closed as if she were sleeping.  "Looks like she was stunned.  Can' do magic meself or I woulda woken her."

She was alive.  A hand to her head told him that much.  She was warm, breathing, and alive.

James looked up at Hagrid, eyes full of hope.  "Harry?"

"Righ' here, the lil tyke."

James almost broke down as his son climbed into his lap, snuggling against his stomach sleepily.

Hagrid smiled at the scene.  "Was tryin' 'is best to wake you and Lily up, sure it looked to me."

James looked down at his son's dirty face.  Sparkling green eyes smiled up at him.  "Da!"

James wrapped his arms around the babe, feeling the warmth of him, feeling the life as his son wriggled in his arms.  He kissed the top of the baby's head, nuzzling the messy black hair so identical to his own.  "Oh, thank god."

James looked up at Hagrid.  His half-giant friend was smiling down at them, wet trails leading from his eyes to the nest of a beard.

"Mama!" Harry cried, reaching for his stunned mother.

James turned to his wife.  He just sat there, watching her for a moment.  Then he started to look around the rubble.  A moment later, he found the two things he was looking for.  Dropping Lily's wand beside her, he shifted Harry into one arm.  He ran his own wand over his wife, whispering the counter charm.

Lily shifted immediately.  James smiled, dropping his wand to floor to run his hand through her hair.  "Lily?  Lily, darling, wake up.  Wake up, sweetheart."

She blinked, looking up at him.  "James?"

James sighed in relief.  He bent down and kissed her softly.  When he pulled back, she smiled at him.  He smiled back.  "I'm here, precious."

Lily sat up, flinging her arms around her husband.  "Oh, James!  I thought…"

He nodded, holding her close with one arm.  "I thought, too."

Lily looked around the demolished home, eyes finding the other person in the room almost instantly.  "Hagrid?"

Hagrid nodded at her, smiling broadly.  Lily smiled back as she released James to continue her examination of her home.  "Where's Voldemort?"

"He's done," Hagrid said.  "Gone."

Lily's eyes widened in shock.  "Gone?"

"Mama!" Harry cried out from his place in the crook of James' arm.  He looked up at his mother curiously.  "Mama sleep?"

"Harry!" Lily cried as she grabbed her son.  She hugged him tightly before holding him out a bit from her to give him a good look-over.  Her eyes immediately saw what James had not.  "Oh, James, his head."

The curiously shaped cut on Harry's forehead was red and still bleeding slightly.  James looked around for something anything, then resorted to his shirt.  He ripped off the only clean spot he could find.  He took his son gently in his arms, then ran his wand over the cut.  A small amount of water trickled from the wand's end, sprinkling down onto the baby's head.  The boy, however, did not like it.  "No!"

"Shh, Harry," James said soothingly as he gently wiped away the blood.  "It's all right.  Trust Daddy."

Harry seemed to understand, for he stopped struggling and instead nuzzled deeper into James' strong arms.  "Da."

Lily sighed contentedly at the sight of her husband and son.  After allowing herself a moment of peace, she turned to Hagrid.  "What do you mean 'he's gone', Hagrid?"

Hagrid shrugged.  "Tha's just it.  He's done disappeared.  Something about yer boy.  He's got the Killing Curse all over him.  It's a stench.  But You-Know-Who's power's broke.  He's gone."

"He tried to kill Harry," Lily whispered as she looked over at her son.  "He wanted Harry."

James looked down at the cut he was cleaning on his son's forehead.  "'And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…'"

"No," Lily whispered, slouching in a bit.  She shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself.  "No.  Oh, no.  God, no."

"Lils," James said softly, using his pet name for her to try and break through.

Lily gazed at Harry, who was now giggling as he played with a stray lock of James' hair.  "No!  Not my son!  Not my baby!"

James reached a hand out to her.  "Just calm down--"

Lily shook her head frantically as the tears began.  "No, no, _no_!"

At this James grabbed her with his free arm and pulled her close to him and Harry.  Lily instantly relaxed, letting her arms go from her midsection to her husband and child.  James rubbed her back soothingly as he whispered in her ear, "Shh.  I know, Lils.  I know."

Harry looked up at his mother, oblivious to her distress.  He pulled at James hair, as if to show her.  Lily kissed the top of Harry's head.  "James…"

James kissed her temple.  "Baby…"

At that moment, two figures stumbled into the house.  James, Lily, and Hagrid all turned, all with wands (or umbrella) at the ready.

James sighed in relief almost instantly.  "Albus.  Alastor."

"Headmaster, thank god!" Lily cried as she released James, but took Harry in her arms and started for Dumbledore.  "You have to help us!  He wants Harry!"

Dumbledore held out his hands to the young witch.  "Let me see, Lily."

Lily passed the baby to the leader of the Order of the Phoenix, watching for a sign of some miracle.  Dumbledore examined the boy, eyes finally coming to rest on his forehead.  The old wizard smiled.  "It is certain, then.  Young Harry Potter will save us all."

"No!"  This time it was James who shouted.  Seeing the cut was one thing.  Having its meaning confirmed to him was something else.

Moody looked up in surprise, magical eye swiveling around in its socket.  "James, I know that--"

"My son _will not_ live with this burden!" James declared, smacking his hand down on what looked to have once been a part of the upstairs curio cabinet.  "The Aurors will take care of Voldemort."

Dumbledore, sighed, letting Lily snatch the baby from his arms, eyes never leaving the elder Potter.  "James--"

"If he's disappeared, then he's weak," James said pointedly.  "I'll go into the office, we'll set out tonight.  We'll finish the job while he's vulnerable."

"James Alexander Potter!" Dumbledore shouted, finally breaking through to the ever-frantic young James.  He gave the younger wizard a hard look.  "Your son has a great destiny.  No one but he can do this."

Lily shook her head holding Harry close to her.  "Frank and Alice's boy…"

"Lily, your son has been marked," Moody reasoned.  "The first of the prophecy has been fulfilled.  There's almost no chance that it could be the Longbottom boy."

Harry, having noticed the tension in the room, began to cry loudly.  Lily looked down at her wailing babe and shook her head slowly.  "No.  Not Harry, anyone but Harry."

"Come," Dumbledore said to the couple.  "We need to move you to a safe location."

James looked up sharply.  "That's it."

Hagrid frowned.  "Wha'?"

"Lily, gather what you need," James told his wife.  "We're leaving."

Moody scowled.  "Leaving?"

"We'll go somewhere," James explained, more to his confused looking wife than anyone.  "Anywhere!  We'll live as Muggles.  We'll live as outcasts.  I don't care how or where, as long as it's far away from here."

Lily frowned.  "But, James--"

"For Harry, luv," James pleaded.  "If we're far away from here, they won't be able to find us."

Moody growled.  "James, see to reason!"

"No," James said coolly.  "There is no reason when we talk about the life and death of my fifteen-month-old son."

"Yeh can't!" Hagrid nearly shouted.  "Lily, talk to 'im!"

Lily shook her head.  "He's right.  We have to go."

"We need that boy here!" Moody exclaimed.  "To guide him, protect him, train him--"

"Use him!" James corrected angrily.  "He should be able to choose what he wants his life to be.  Not what _you_ want him to be."

Dumbledore watched the couple with weary eyes.  "James, Lily, I cannot allow you to flee with that child.  He is our best hope."

"Find another hope," Lily nearly spat out.

Dumbledore drew his wand.  "I will not allow it."

James stared down at the wand in his friend and mentor's hand in shock.  Then he blinked.  Drawing himself to his full height, James raised his own wand.  "You'll have to kill me, Professor.  There's no way you can have my son, not while I am here."

Dumbledore sighed and raised his wand in a dueling manner.  "Then you leave me with little choice."

Lily saw the wand for the first time.  "Albus!"

Dumbledore regarded James calmly.  "You will all three come with us back to Hogwarts.  I promise, tomorrow, things will seem better."

Lily's mouth opened and closed for several seconds.  Then she turned to the other two friends in the room for help.  "Hagrid?"

Hagrid shook his head.  "Professor Dumbledore's righ'."

Lily blanched.  "Alastor, please…"

"I'm sorry, Lily," Moody whispered roughly.  "This is the choice you make."

"Not likely," James hissed.  "Now, move aside."

"_Stupefy!_"

Lily watched in horror as her husband withered to the ground.  "James!"

Three pairs of eyes turned to her.  She met their gazes, clutching the baby in her arms tightly to her.  Then she did the only thing she knew how.  She dove for her wand.

"_Impedimenta!_"

She was still running towards her wand, Harry wriggling in her grasp.

Dumbledore sighed wearily.  "Hagrid, take the baby."

Hagrid did as he was told.  "C'mere, Harry."

"Dumbledore, what do you want to do with them?" Moody asked gently.  "James was telling the truth.  Nothing short of killing him will keep them away."

Dumbledore shook his head sharply.  "I will not kill my friends.  I've never had to."

"We could take them to Hogwarts," Moody suggested hopefully.  "Talk some sense into them."

Dumbledore sighed and shook his head.  "They were sensible tonight.  The chance that they will follow through with this plan is great."

"We cannot let them, Albus," Moody ground out.

Dumbledore looked up at the Auror, then over to Hagrid.  "I can trust on both of you, correct?  You see the importance of this.  That a decision must be made now if we are to be guaranteed Harry?  And that we must _know_ we have Harry, fully, now, with no obstacles between us?"

Both men nodded.

Dumbledore raised his wand once more.

"_Lustro Iuvenesco!_"

***~~~***

Albus Dumbledore lowered his wand.  He stared at the ground for a few moments, the ground littered with the empty, dirty, bloody clothing of the Potters.  Then he straightened and turned to regard both Hagrid and Moody.  "This day is both joyous and tragic.  It has seen the defeat of Voldemort, yes.  But tragically, before the Dark Lord met his downfall in little Harry Potter, he murdered James and Lily Potter in cold blood.  So strong was the curse, that little remains of them."

Hagrid looked down at the bloody clothes as great droplets of tears started to run down his cheeks.  "Poor Lily and James."

Dumbledore sighed wearily.  Then he turned to the half-giant, examining the babe in his arms.  After a moment, the old man nodded.  "Hagrid, stay here until the next person arrives.  Pass on the tale.  Then take Harry to the safe house in Wales.  Tomorrow, Harry will go to his aunt and uncle's.  An orphan.  I'll send you word on the exact time later this evening."

"Aye."  Hagrid nodded instantly and started to head outside to await the next arrival of what would probably be either concerned friends or Ministry officials.

Dumbledore watched the Keeper of the Keys go, knowing that he'd do exactly what was said.  Hagrid's loyalty was always to be counted on, even in the direst of circumstances.

"Alastor," the Headmaster said quietly to the man on his right.  "I must head to the Ministry."

The Auror looked up and nodded once.  "I'll take care of it."

"It cannot be magical, it must be Muggle," Dumbledore warned.  "People you trust.  We will pay, if it comes to it.  And it must be a place where their auras will be shielded.  We cannot run the risk of them being found by another school or a government office."

Moody nodded once again.  He looked down at the two small faces watching them curiously.  "I know the perfect place."

Dumbledore took one more long look, then turned swiftly.  "Do not tell me.  This will be your job."

"I understand," Moody said, glancing at his mentor.  "You need to speak with Frank and Alice.  They might be thinking the same thoughts."

Dumbledore's mouth set in a grim line.  "I will take care of it."

With that the Headmaster of Hogwarts started to maneuver his way out of the warded house.  However, he paused at the doorway.  "And Alastor?  Make sure they are happy."

Moody turned to the older wizard, good eye wide with surprise.  Dumbledore nodded downward.  "But see to it they will not be friends or lovers again.  We cannot run the risk of them rediscovering this."

"I know."

Then Dumbledore was gone.

Moody sighed, then looked around for something to use for covering.  He finally settled on a large window curtain decorated with little stars and moons.  With a small grunt, he ripped the drape in half.  Taking one half in his hand, he knelt down, wrapping it carefully around the small body.

The child of about six or seven watched him with wide, green eyes.  She chewed absently on a small piece of bright red hair, as she examined him in youthful innocence.  Apparently deciding he was safe since he had provided her with something to keep her warm and covered, she smiled brightly at him.  "Hi."

Moody tied the ends of the ripped curtain together, forming some sort of impromptu dress.  He glanced up at the curious green eyes as he grabbed the other half of the curtain.  He nodded at the girl.  "Hello."

Then he turned to the boy at her side.  Pushing his unruly dark hair aside, he started to give him the same treatment as he had the girl.  The boy's warm chocolate eyes were just as innocent, just as curious as the girl's.  He closely looked Moody over as he tied off the curtain, frowning.  "You look funny."

Moody grinned slightly as he stood.  "Do I?"

The boy nodded as he looked around.  "Where are we?"

"In a bad place," Moody explained, gathering the girl in his arms.  She settled there comfortably, leaning her elbows against his shoulder as he shifted her into one arm.  Then he reached and took the boy's hand with his free one.  "But don't worry.  We'll go find you both some mommies and daddies."

The girl's eyes brightened.  "Mommies and daddies for us?"

"I know them," Moody said, planting the first of many suggestions in the blank canvases that were these two small minds.  "I'll take you home?"

The boy looked up, watching Moody thoughtfully.  "What's your name?"

Moody blinked and looked down at the boy.   "Mr. Moody."

The girl in his arms laughed.  "That's a funny name."

The little boy scrunched his face up as he thought for a moment, then looked back up.  "What's my name?"

Moody frowned.  "Your name is…Alexander."

The girl giggled even more.  "That's a funny name, too.  What's mine?"

Moody bit his lip as he thought.  Anne seemed too common for the child.  And using both middle names just wasn't wise.  He looked down at the floor as he thought.  Almost instantly his eyes landed on a forgotten wand.  He looked up at the child and smiled.  "Willow.  Your name is Willow."

Then the three of them vanished from Godric's Hollow, none ever to return.

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A/N:  It should be pretty clear where I'm going with this.  So please review, lemme know what you think.


	2. Chapter One

A/N:  Sorry for wait.

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_Fourteen Years, Six Months, and Nineteen Days Later…_

Sunnydale, the most active Hellmouth on the Earth, the gateway to Evil, the bane of the Light Side's existence…was gone.

Xander Harris wrapped his arms around the weakened form of his best friend, Willow Rosenberg, helping her towards the dent in the world that Buffy Summers, Dawn Summers, and Rupert Giles were gazing at in a sort of shocked awe.  Faith, the more wild of the two seasoned Slayers, strolled up beside the pair, smirking to herself.  "Looks like the Hellmouth is officially closed for business."

"There is another one in Cleveland," Giles said matter-of-factly, then paused as all turned to give him a look.  "Not to spoil the moment."

The old Watcher bent down and grabbed a rock as Xander stared at his hometown in disbelief.  He released his hold on Willow and shook his head slightly.  "We saved the world."

Giles looked down at the rock for a moment before heaving it into the hole that had been the town.  Willow stepped forward, clutching her injured stomach but smiling broadly.  "We changed the world."  She put a hand on Buffy's shoulder, then looked around in wonder.  "I can feel them, Buffy.  All over.  Slayers are awakening everywhere."

Dawn looked over slightly and replied quietly, "We'll have to find them."

Willow nodded, grinning widely.  "We will."

Giles walked behind the trio of girls, then turned to look at the crater once more.  "Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow."

"We destroyed the mall?" Dawn asked, glancing over at her sister.  "I fought on the wrong side."

Xander sighed slightly.  "All those shops gone.  The Gap, Starbucks, Toys "R" Us.  Who will remember all those landmarks unless we tell the world about them?"

"We have a lot of work ahead of us," Giles said seriously.

Faith glanced at Giles, then shook her head.  "Can I push him in?"

Willow turned and smirked.  "You've got my vote."

Faith turned to Giles and gave him a slap on the chest.  "I just want to sleep, yo, for like a week."

Dawn smiled slightly.  "I guess we all could, if we wanted to."

"Yeah," Willow said slowly, then smiled at Buffy.  "The First is scrunched, so…what do you think we should do, Buffy?"

Faith grinned.  "Yeah, you're not the one and only Chosen anymore.  Just gotta live like a person.  How's that feel?"

Dawn turned to her sister.  "Yeah, Buffy.  What are we gonna do now?"

Buffy just stared at the crater and smiled.  

A loud growl from some part of Xander broke the reverent silence.  He looked down at his stomach, then up at the group.  "Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm starving."

Faith sighed and turned to give Xander a mocking look.  "Always thinking with your stomach."

Dawn sighed.  "The Doublemeat Palace was in Sunnydale, too."

"There's a McDonald's in Oxnard," Willow pointed out.

"Buffy!" Everyone, including Buffy, turned to find Vi looking out the back door of the bus.  Her hands were streaked with blood and she looked frantic.  "Rona's not doing so well!"

Willow frowned.  "Or, you know, the hospital."

Buffy glanced at Willow.  "How far?"

"Forty minutes," she replied quickly.

Buffy nodded, then hopped in the bus through the rear door.  Dawn gave the town one last look, then followed.

"Girls!" Giles shouted, jogging briskly off toward where the new Activated Slayers were congregating.

"Better get Robin stabilized," Faith muttered, heading for the front of the bus.  "Hey, Andrew!

Xander started to follow, then paused.  Willow stood in the middle of the road staring at what had once been Sunnydale.

"Willow?"

She didn't look up, but he still felt acknowledged.  "It's so strange, Xander."

Xander looked out at what had once been his hometown.  "I know."

"I…I'm sorry."  Xander looked down to find Willow gazing at him worriedly.  "About Anya."

Xander nodded slowly.  "She was incredible.  She deserved better."

Willow turned back to the crater.  "It was our home."

Xander sighed.  "Never been more than a few hours away."

"I don't like being away," Willow replied in a small voice.  "I don't want to leave my home."

"Wills," Xander murmured, turning to face his best friend.  He pushed a small strand of hair away from her face, and smiled at her.  "We have each other.  As long as we're together, we'll always be home."

Willow's eyes watered as she moved to hug him.  "Xander…"

"Xand!"  They jumped apart and turned.  Faith was leaning out the rear of the bus, looking extremely aggravated.  "Will!  Let's roll!"

Xander sighed, wrapping an arm around Willow to help her.  "C'mon, luv.  It's going to be fine."

Willow smiled up at him, settling herself in his strong warmth.  Both of them were so wrapped up in their thoughts that they didn't see the red aura form around them suddenly, then dissolve away.

Xander settled Willow into the front seat next to Kennedy then slid into the seat behind them, next to Dawn.  The younger Summers turned to him, frowning.  "What was with the shimmer back there?"

Xander furrowed his brow and looked up at Dawn.  "What shimmer?"

Dawn opened her mouth, then closed it, shaking her head.  "Never mind.  I'm seeing things."

Kennedy smiled at her girlfriend as she settled into her seat.  "So, feel weird to be leaving Sunnydale behind?"

"Nah," Willow said dismissively.  "Never really felt like home."

***~~~***

Tuesday, June 24, 2003 

They came like waves of rain, one right after the other, with no set rhythm to beat along their song.  And the rain wasn't water, no, it was lights.  Beams of light, like something out of a sci-fi.  He ducked under a red beam, then stood back up, tall and proud, grinning widely, laughing mockingly.  "Come on, you can do better than that!"

Then he was falling, falling away, and she could do nothing to stop it, nothing to save him.  She saw the laughter die from his face and it pained her, because she knew her friend needed her strength.

Then it was just her.  She turned to her best friend, he who had always been.  His name floated high above her in a tower, warring with another, and she couldn't reach them easily.  She wrapped her arms around his strong frame, burying herself in his love.  "I can't lose you."

Then the boy came, the one that was everything but nothing real.  She wanted to see that contentment and peace in him, but it did not exist.  All she saw in him was overwhelming pain.  Pain, sorrow, grief.  They floated around him as if he was their home.  But shining through all was hatred, hatred of a person and an eternity of life.  "_Crucio!_"

Then it was her best friend once more, though the line between best friend and lover had dulled at some point.  He was in a field, surrounded by all as they faced the Death for the second time.  And the pain was alive and ripping through him, a tangible being twisting through the blood.  "It burns!"

The boy reached forward, towards where she was, yet not at her.  She reached back, wanting nothing more than to comfort him and tell him to be at peace, but the hands stopped him, warm hands she knew and loved, yet hated in that moment for keeping him back.  The boy's eyes pleaded.  "Get him, save him--"

Then the monster with the strange nose and eye, the one that stole away all and turned happiness and love into misery and hate was there, taking her small hand in his, smiling down at her in an attempt to be a soothing beast instead of a terrific one.  "We'll go find you both some mummies and daddies."

The boy in anger and frustration and denial and the all-consuming pain that lived around him, she had to help, but she couldn't, and she wanted to die because she wasn't allowed.  "HE—IS—NOT—DEAD!"

Then it was that point, when she was so close to stealing it back, but so far from all, the point where she had everything at her fingertips just to have it hidden away once more.  The best friend was so close to the lover and the lines were nearly broken, and he looked at her with more than love.  "It's just…when I look at you now…it's like I'm seeing you for the first time…"

Then Death swooped by, rounding on the boy, making the cold of life unbearable.  Her soul screamed at the thought of Death near that boy, but she couldn't stop it, couldn't make him safe like she should have been able to.  "I have nothing more to say to you, Potter.  You have irked me too often, for too long.  _AVADA KEDAVRA!_"

The best friend was there, holding her hand, the lover just behind his eyes.  Tears of unhappiness just below the surface, pulling her back from the void to that sterile white room.  "Look, you don't have a choice here.  You gotta wake up.  I need you, Will."

The lover knelt at her feet looking up at her with eyes filled with love, everything so sincere.  The castle around sung to her, that this was the moment she had waited so long for, but was miles from again.  "Lils, I've been an absolute prat.  I know…I'm not everything I should be.  But you inspire me.  You make me strive to be better."

And the best friend squeezed her hand hard, bringing her closer and away to the moon.  He was there, with the lover stretching the line, trying so hard to be free.  "I mean, how am I gonna pass trig, you know?  And who am I gonna call every night…and talk about everything we did all day?"

The lover pulled out the ring from his robes, and her world nearly exploded with her joy.  But it was all so far away and she couldn't touch it, couldn't quite reach.  "You know I've never been one for fancy words.  I just…well, you know how much I love you.  Every day, you bring everything in the world to life, even in these dark times.  I never want that to go away.  I never want you to go away.  You're my soul mate, you're my best friend, you're my everything.  Marry me, Lils."

The lines were blurred between best friend and lover, blurred almost away.  "You're my best friend. You've always…I love you."

Then it was the other friend, and empty one, with everything stripped.  "He can't come back, because he's d—"

And the pain was everywhere, a living force that was consuming her and those she loved.  But the boy was everywhere, one with the pain.  "THEN—I—DON'T—WANT—TO—BE—HUMAN!"

And words echoed through the darkness.  "You have now lost your mother…"

And she saw her reflection through mud.  "My egg is Jewish…"

Echoes of pasts gone were all around her.  "…your father…"

And her best friend could do nothing to help her, powerless as she.  "I mean, you can bet that little Xander here is thick skinned now."

Echoes of life stolen away.  "…and the closest thing to a parent you have ever known…"

Smiling at the circle of men around her, she knew this should have been home.  "We're a family, true friends are family."

Should have been home to dogs, with happiness sucked away.  "I would have died before I betrayed them."

Should have been home to stags, with life unspoken.  "I need you guys."

Should have been home to rats, with alliances to night.  "I was a friend…now I'm nothing."

Should have been home to little boys, with love gone.  "I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE—"

Should have been home to wolves, with all stripped away.  "I can't stand it sometimes.  I feel as though I've lost everything I've ever had…"

But it was all out of reach.  "They're dead.  They're dead and listening to echoes of them won't bring them back."

And Death was coming.  "Kill Harry Potter."

And no one could stop it.  "We'll see you soon, mate."

Not even her.  "_Lustro Iuvenesco!_"

…

Willow Rosenberg woke up screaming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N:  The "shimmer" will be explained later, and no, it has nothing to do with them leaving Sunnydale.  So don't be sending reviews that are "but Willow left and spent the summer in England" or "Xander went on his roadtrip-turned-stripper thing between 3rd/4th seasons".  I know this.  Give me until Moody comes back in (yes, he will), then start picking at my threadbare plot.

Bonus points to whoever gets the components of the dream.  Some are from past books/eps (obviously).  :)

Oh, uh, this eventually will be Xander/Willow.  Duh.  Don't worry, though, the development of this and the breakup of Kennedy/ Willow will be longer than my ritual two lines.  My philosophies on sexuality will shine through and probably get me in trouble with uber-conservatives and uber-liberals (as I'm neither).  And when I mean Xander/Willow, I mean Xander/Willow.  Not James/Lily (which it'll obviously be as well later on).  Oh, and uh, anyone that can write (quality) smut, please contact me if you'd be willing to lend a helping hand.

Please review, I really need the support (suggestions)!


	3. Chapter Two

A/N: Okay, timeline wise, this chapter is kinda weird. I want to work as much within canon as possible, so here is how it's gonna work. This is obviously AU, that goes without saying. The Sunnydale group lives in LA now. It is about five weeks after the implosion of Sunnydale. Sticking with the canon, nineteen days after the events of _Chosen_, Spike returned to Wolfram and Hart as a ghosty, so the events of _Conviction_ and _Just Rewards _pretty much happened. As did _Unleashed_ and _Hell Bound_.

Obviously, the presence of the gang would have changed things around. The Angel/Buffy/Spike triangle probably would've been really interesting to watch had Buffy been in LA for Spike's return. It would also probably be interesting to write. But this story is not about Buffy, Angel, or Spike. It is about Willow and Xander. So I'm not gonna write it. I'll write in what's relevant from the viewpoints I'm writing in and will touch upon it a bit, but I'm going to leave most of that up to you. Be you a Buffy/Angel fan, a Buffy/Spike fun, (for some reason) a Spike/Angel fan, or whatever, you can fill in the blanks as best you want. But with certain impediments such as an incorporeal Spike, a cursed Angel, and a bitchy Buffy, as of this chapter, they are all strictly on a "just friends" kinda wavelength. I don't know right now if I'll do more with it. Probably not. Like I said, this is mostly about Willow and Xander.

Also, as this story largely takes place in June and July, I'll be taking the _AtS_ storyline AU from _Hell Bound_. I mean, _Life of the Party _obviously can't happen in June. I probably won't even touch the canon after that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I **_LOVED_** Season Five, but it doesn't mesh well with what I want to do with this. I'll probably still play with some characters like Eve and Harmony and Lindsey, but don't expect it to be canon. So consider this story way AU.

And just one more note (Yeah, I know, I ramble). If you are reading this story, I assume certain things. First, that you, the reader(s), are very familiar with _BtVS_ canon. Second, that you are at least slightly familiar with _AtS_ canon. And third, that you are just as familiar with _Harry Potter_ canon. As such, the way this is written is a little odd. Most of the times the worlds start to merge into each other, it won't be blaringly obvious like with the dream. It will be little things written in the middle of mile long paragraphs no one reads. Now the blaringly obvious stuff will still be there, but it won't be limited to just that. This is the way the story is written. You have been warned.

Now, the story.

Willow Rosenberg woke up screaming.

Kennedy leapt out of bed and landed in a fighting stance, wide awake and ready for whatever the powers of evil might have sent her way. But just as fast as she had awoken, she realized that no monster was making the blood-curdling noise that echoed through the room. Instead, it was her girlfriend. Her eyes went wide and fear clenched at her stomach. "Willow?"

Willow sat up in the bed they shared, hands clutching at the pillow she had grabbed at some point. It was torn and pieces of feathers and fluff were slowly weaving through the air. Kennedy reached over to the lamp on the nightstand and flicked it on.

Willow didn't react to the light at all. She just sat there in the bed, panting, red hair clinging to her tear-covered face. Her eyes seemed to be searching the air in front of her for something and were glazed with tears to add to the ones streaming down her cheeks.

Kennedy sat back down on the bed, cautiously scooting closer to her lover. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Willow blinked slightly, causing more tears to fall from her eyes. But she didn't look up at Kennedy. Instead she continued to stare at the air in front of her. "Nightmare."

Kennedy watched her lover carefully and ran a calming hand lightly over her shoulder. "Want to talk about it?"

Willow weakly batted the hand away and drew her knees up against her chest as she drew several shaky breaths, eyes still refusing to come into focus. "No. Yes. I don't know."

Kennedy had to fight the urge to close her eyes. Willow almost looked frightened. But she pushed her girlfriend on. "Willow?"

"Willow," the redhead repeated, as if her own name was foreign to her. "Willow wand. Willow tree. Willow, me."

Kennedy rolled onto her knees and moved so that she was directly in Willow's line of sight. "Will, you're freaking your girlfriend out."

But that was becoming almost normal, Willow freaking Kennedy out. In fact, over the past few weeks, Willow had been freaking more and more people out. And not just Willow. Xander, too.

It started after Sunnydale. That much was certain. It just took them all a while to notice. At the hospital in Oxnard, everyone had been pretty weird. Some were panicky, others completely exhausted. Others, like Faith, had a huge energy rush, mostly Potentials that had been called and not injured. Or killed. There were a lot of dead.

A few days after Sunnydale, everyone was treated, fed, well, and pretty much as good as they were going to get being refugees from the town that was sucked into hell. So it had been back to the bus. Everyone that made it out survived. Including Robin and Rona. They had been the worst of the group. But they were discharged with general health care instructions, the infuriatingly vague kind like "take it easy" that never seemed to do much good. So they had all left the hospital or, for the healthy among them, the motel Giles had basically rented out, and…realized they had nowhere to go. So they had gone the only place any of them had known to go…the Hyperion Hotel.

Angel was everything Kennedy had heard him to be and more. When they had walked into the hotel, the vampire had been in a state of panic. Then the yelling had started. More of a huge lecture from Angel and his associate Wesley Wyndam-Pryce on the value of calling your friends and letting them know you're alive after the town you lived in was swallowed whole into hell. And everyone got it. Buffy, Giles, Faith, Willow, Dawn, even Xander. It wasn't good. During said lectures, the Potentials/Awakened Slayers, Robin, and Andrew had gotten to know the other people that worked for Angel, namely Fred Burkle, Charles Gunn, and Lorne. Kennedy had found them all three to be kind and engaging people…and demon.

Her first real interaction with Angel was when the yelling that had bled over from his office suddenly quieted. Then the vampire had stormed out. The look on his face was so painful. He had nearly knocked her down he was moving so quickly. She somehow kept him at bay long enough for Buffy to catch up. It took Kennedy a while to realize the vampire sitting on the floor was actually grieving. Grieving for Spike. Apparently they had a very complicated past.

Then there was more yelling, a fair amount of cursing, and finally an enormous amount of hugging. The decisions were made quickly. Apparently, Angel and his team members were taking over some big law firm and were going to begin conducting their business out of there. Therefore, Angel basically gave Buffy the hotel. Well, he actually gave it to the New and Improved Watchers Council, but it was basically the same thing. And that's how it started.

Now, they all lived in the hotel. All of the Scoobies, Faith, Giles, Andrew, Robin, the new Slayers, and a few of the Watchers that had survived the massive attack by the First by being out of the country when the big blow up in England happened. Even Angel, Lorne, and Fred still lived in the hotel. Wesley and Gunn might as well have lived there, since they had their own rooms and were usually around the hotel if they weren't at Wolfram and Hart. And Spike was back and splitting his time between the hotel and Wolfram and Hart. Something about him being a ghost but not a ghost. Very confusing.

It was a pretty hectic time to be. They were always on the go, trying to reform the Council, and trying to cope as well with all the new Slayers. Before it had always been thousands of Watchers and one, well, sometimes two Slayers. Now it was thousands of Slayers and a few dozen Watchers. Giles was pretty much made head of the Council by default and Buffy and Faith were continuing their training of the new Slayers. Robin was helping with the training. Dawn was busy with Andrew and several of the new Watchers tracking Slayers down. Spike, being incorporeal, basically just annoyed people, but he was very proactive about it. Even the gang at Wolfram and Hart was busy, not only with the move in business, but also because of the chaos of reforming the Council.

Theoretically, Willow was working on tracking down the new Slayers and working with Wolfram and Hart to make the Watchers Council fully funded and equipped. But after the collapse of Sunnydale, something had been going on with her. At first it was written off as confusion. She had become very quiet. Withdrawn. Distant. Then the nightmares started. She had almost stopped eating. She seemed more and more sickly. She barely left the hotel. Kennedy didn't know what was happening. Most of the others were ignoring it or writing it off as her being weak after such a massive spell. But Kennedy knew better. Because it was happening with Xander, too.

Kennedy sighed as she leaned forward once again to try and break through. "Will…"

"Wills?"

Kennedy looked around as the man who was starting to become a familiar figure in the room rushed in. When she looked back at Willow, her girlfriend seemed to be perky and alert, and she was smiling brightly. "Xander!"

They had both been drawing away from the group over the past month, that was obvious to Kennedy. But something that was becoming even more obvious and more and more painful was that Willow and Xander were becoming closer and closer. Only happy in one another's company. She could almost see the writing on the wall.

"Yeah," Kennedy muttered as she sat back and watched Willow bounce off the bed and step up to the man. "Fine."

Xander gave Kennedy a small smile before turning his full attention to Willow. "I…I just thought…I thought you might be in trouble. You know. I thought…something was wrong."

Willow just smiled at her oldest friend. "No, no problems here."

Xander grinned widely at the redhead, then gave a small shrug. "Oh. Okay. Sorry to bother. See you at breakfast?"

Willow gave him a playful look as he stepped out the door. "Of course, silly."

"Later, Wills," Xander said with a quirk of his brow as he slipped out the door.

"Wow," Kennedy said loudly, trying to call the perky redhead's attention back to her. It worked, and Willow calmed and turned to her lover. "He seems to be doing better."

It was a superior Xander than the one masquerading around the past few weeks. The baggage he was carrying from Anya's death coupled with whatever else was going on had made him an almost hermit in the hotel, only rolling out of bed to work painfully slowly on the renovations they had planned for the place. As it stood, only a small percentage of the Awakened Slayers living in the hotel had their own rooms completed, which was almost sad in a hotel with a capacity for over two hundred. Of the sixty-eight original rooms, only nineteen were livable. And every last one of those nineteen rooms was packed. And the dormitory like rooms planned hadn't even been started on.

But Xander was at least getting out a little more. While his physical health seemed to be as bad as Willow's, he had actually left the hotel a few times, mostly to go to Wolfram and Hart to do whatever odd job needed done that day. It seemed to be a positive step. But with the lack of progress at the hotel, Kennedy couldn't help but wonder if Xander was actually doing better or just running away from his problems.

"It's good, right?" Willow asked a little nervously. "But there's still something. I'm really worried about him."

"Willow," Kennedy said in an even voice. "You can't make him get over Anya's death."

Willow gave Kennedy a look. It was almost as if…she hated Kennedy for her opinion. But then it was gone. And a softer look came instead. But it was still a little degrading. "I know, Kennedy," Willow said in a controlled tone. "Xander and I…it's complicated. Between him and me."

Kennedy sighed. She knew Willow was shutting her out, but she didn't understand why. "Well, when you're ready to talk to me, I'll be here."

Without another word, she pushed herself off of the bed and walked out of their room.

Willow watched her girlfriend storm out of the room in shock. She wasn't sure just what had happened, her mind was still so fuzzy, but she knew one thing: her lover was not pleased.

"Kennedy, I…"she started, but realized immediately that it was too late. But everything had felt too late recently. Willow sighed miserably as she felt her mind haze over again. "Damn!"

"Willow?"

Willow looked up, squinting a little at the harsh light that filled the room as the overhead clicked on. She blinked back away the brightness, eyes settling on a familiar figure. "Dawn. Hi."

The youngest Summers gave Willow a small smile and looked over her shoulder before coming into the room. Her eyes knowing, she sat on the edge of the bed beside Willow. "Trouble in paradise?"

Willow sighed and pushed herself up to her feet. She grabbed her hairbrush from the dresser and turned to face Dawn. "Why do I date her?"

Dawn blinked, but didn't seem as surprised as Willow felt at the question. In fact, none of this seemed too surprising to Dawn. "Because you love her?" the sixteen-year-old suggested gently.

Willow looked away, to the mirror. Her own reflection was there. Red hair cut a few inches shorter than it had been a few months ago, straight, with razor-frayed bottoms. Buffy and Faith's doing on one of the group shopping trips, something they did a lot of since everything they owned had been sucked into the mouth of hell. Her eyes were red around the rims, the dark circles more prominent in the morning than in the afternoon because of her lack of makeup. She was thinner, too, in a really unhealthy way. She was wearing a pair of Sponge Bob pajamas, complete with flannel bottoms and a tank top. It showed off the pasty skin she sported nowadays. It was the reflection she expected. But it was wrong.

"Do I?" Willow asked as she stared at the girl that was quickly becoming a stranger in her mind. "What is love?"

Love, she repeated in her thoughts, so unsure. She thought she knew what love was. Her Kennedy, her family, her friends. They were love, weren't they? But she wasn't so sure anymore. Pulling deep within was something, something kinda like the love she thought she knew. But it was different. It was laughter and magic and teacups and cats and chocolate eyes and a tiny smile.

"Willow?"

Why did they always call her that? Who was that girl? What was this place? The girl in the mirror changed before her eyes. Her hair lengthened, falling across her shoulders and partway down her back. The color of her skin grew healthy as she put on a little weight. Her clothing morphed into a soft red sweater and red and gold striped pants. Her eyes were bright and full of life. And she was smiling. She was happy. It was right.

"Willow!"

Willow blinked as the image dissolved and her reflection returned to normal, turning to find Dawn behind her. The haze around her mind thickened and something twisted in her gut. "Oh. Dawn. Right. Sorry. I've been getting a little fuzzy lately."

Dawn seemed concerned. More concerned than Willow thought she would be. "Yeah. Right."

"I'm fine," Willow told the younger girl, hoping to alleviate any doubts she might have.

Dawn didn't seem to be convinced. "I saw Xander."

Willow smiled at the thought of Xander and nodded as she turned back to her reflection and began to comb out her hair. "He thought something was wrong."

Dawn wrinkled her nose. "Yeah, heard you screaming. What was that all about? See a mouse? A frog maybe?"

Willow jumped around. "No!" she said emphatically, glancing around to make sure no frogs had appeared out of the blue. Seeing none, she shrugged, more than a little embarrassed at Dawn's smirk. "I just had a bad dream."

Dawn's playful attitude immediately dissolved. She frowned as she watched Willow carefully. "What about?"

"I…" Willow started, then stopped. The dream was slipping from her mind like water through her fingers. The harder she tried to remember, the faster it faded. "I'm not sure."

Dawn bit her lip as she eyed the redhead carefully. Willow rolled her eyes and turned to grab a sweater from the closet. "Don't worry, Dawnie. I'm perfectly fine. It was just a nightmare. As in not real."

Dawn snorted as she jumped up from the bed. "Do I have to remind you of Billy Palmer?"

Willow cringed a bit as she pulled the sweater on over her tank. "Oh. No. I remember all too well."

"Yeah, Madame Butterfly," Dawn shot over her shoulder with an impish grin.

Willow grabbed a pillow and chucked it at her. The brunette yelped and ducked out of the way. Willow shook her head as she held a hand out for Dawn and helped her up. "So, is Andrew cookin'?"

"Yeah, omelets," Dawn said, licking her lips.

After the group had gotten to the Hyperion, Andrew had practically moved into the industrial kitchen in the rear. He was in charge of all the meals, the self-appointed chef of the group. And he was good, too.

Willow smiled and pulled her sweater around herself more tightly as she followed the bouncing sixteen-year-old out of the room. She and Kennedy lived on the Hyperion's third floor like most everyone, just two doors down from Angel's room, who had kept his room in case of an emergency even though he had moved into his own apartment at the firm, and across the hall from Dawn and Buffy. Between them and Angel was Faith, who pretty much shared her room with Robin even though he technically shared with Xander at the opposite end of the hall. On the other side of Angel was the room kept vacant for Wesley and Gunn.

The lobby of the hotel was just as fever pitched as ever, with a gargantuan amount of people running through it. Willow forced a smile as she weaved her way through the den and called out greetings to familiar faces. By the time she made it to the front desk, she was exhausted again.

A slightly chubby pixy-faced girl looked up as Willow and Dawn leaned against the front desk. Dawn grabbed for a half-devoured mug of coffee already sitting on the desk, evidence enough that she had already been down that morning. The girl sitting across from them offered Willow a fresh cup of slightly less-caffeinated tea and greeted, "Morning, Willow."

Willow accepted the tea, quickly downing a large mouthful of the pleasantly warm liquid. It worked it's magic, perking her up more than she had been. Willow sighed slightly, basking in the glow of caffeine, before turning to give the young Canadian Slayer a smile. "Good morning, Dominique. How are you today?"

Dominique made a slight face and rolled her shoulders slightly. "Crabby. The new girl likes to kick in her sleep. And she likes to moan and groan when she's awake."

"Nadine?" Willow asked as she, Dawn, and Dominique turned to the young girl from Greenland sitting in the corner, glaring a the morning activity sullenly. She was the newest Awakened Slayer to be discovered and had only been at the hotel less than three days. She was already to be counted among the group of girls who were not happy in the slightest that they had all been Called, blaming the Scoobies for "doing this to them".

Dawn made a face as she turned back to Dominique, a Slayer that was coping very well to her change in status from Potential to Slayer. "When will her room be ready?"

"Not too soon," Dominique said darkly. Willow couldn't help but feel bad for the girl. Her first roommate, Alexa, had decided that she didn't need the "New Council", as Giles called them, and had gone out hunting way before she should have. They had only just sent the body back to her family when Nadine arrived. For all of Dominique's positive outlook, she had had some very rough times recently. But none of that seemed to faze the girl in the slightest, a reason for which they were working with the sleeping arrangements to try and get her a private room until a suitable roommate came along. "Mr. Gunn said he'd get someone from the office to fix it."

"Why don't you get Caridad and Shannon or Vi and Rona to take her in for a night?" Willow suggested as she reached across the desk for the tea pot to refill her cup.

Dominique gave Willow a shocked look. "And have her killed before she even makes herself useful? No way."

Willow tried to give Dominique a reprimanding look but it was all ruined when she giggled. Then, before she knew it, someone was shoving her to the side and groping blindly for the coffee. Willow smiled as she turned to her best friend, who still seemed half asleep. "Hey, Buffy."

Buffy scowled at them and grabbed the cup of coffee from Dominique just as the girl finished filling it.

Dawn gave her sister a smile, then straightened as if remembering something. "Oh, by the way, Rona locked Vi in the trunk in their room. Do you know where the keys are?"

Buffy scowled at her younger sister for bringing up the pesky life-threatening situation so early in the morning. "Nope."

Dominique blinked, then became thoughtful. "Won't she suffocate like that?"

Dawn shook her head. "Eliza made a breathing hole with an ice pick and a straw. Barely missed Vi."

"Hmm," Buffy groaned as she slumped against the desk. She was silent for a moment as she thought before turning to Willow. "You gotta spell for that?"

Willow pouted as she stared at her tea. "Too early."

Buffy, Dawn, and Willow all looked at each other for a moment, then turned as one to their only hope.

"Andrew!"

There was a slight crash from somewhere deeper inside the hotel. Then a few long moments later, Andrew appeared, completely decked out in his new "The Cook's a Bitch" apron and mittens shaped like a cow and carrying a try fully loaded with doughnuts, fruit pastries, omelets, and bacon. He deposited said tray before Buffy and Willow with a grand flourish. "Howdy, doody, all. I've got everything you could ever want for a hearty breakfast here. What does everyone want?"

Willow grabbed a plate with a tomato and chives omelet then turned to Andrew. "Do you know the spell to pick locks?"

"What kind?" Andrew asked as he crossed his mitted hands in front of him. "Simple ones like combinations or key locks, sure, but bank stuff or something all magicky, no. If you wanna do a bank, then it takes a more complicated spell. I can teach you to summon another Mm'Fashnik, or something like that or we could--"

Buffy grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and shoved him towards her younger sister. "Just follow Dawn."

Dawn sighed and led Andrew away from the small group as Caridad arrived and grabbed for the tray Andrew had brought in. "Mmm, eggs. No green peppers? Where do we go?"

Willow pointed away. "Kitchen."

Caridad nodded and turned. "I'll finish them up."

"And Rona," Buffy called to the Slayer trying to sneak by her unnoticed, "you can take cleanup for that stunt with Vi."

Rona rolled her eyes and slumped in defeat as she and Caridad started for the doors that led deeper inside the hotel. "Fine."

Willow tried to bite back a smile and failed miserably. Then she saw the man in a suit she really had hoped to see. "Gunn!"

The young sort-of-lawyer made his way trough the crowded lobby to the group around the front desk. "Good morning, ladies. Something you need?"

Willow reddened a bit at Gunn's smooth greeting. The young man had become very confident and flirty with all the girls in the hotel of late, something to do with the charisma and etiquette Wolfram and Hart shoved in his brain a few weeks back. While Willow still disapproved of the young man going through such a dangerous procedure, she kinda like the new him. But he was still the old him, too.

"You think you could get that guy in to finish Nadine's room today?" she asked as she handed him a glass of orange juice. "Xander's been kinda distracted lately."

"I'll do what I can," Gunn said as he accepted the glass. He took a quick drink before turning to look around the large group of girls and Watchers roaming around behind them. "Anyone seen Fred?"

"I'm here," Fred said as she popped out from the office door behind the desk. She hopped onto the vacant desk stool and smiled at Gunn brightly.

Gunn drained his glass of juice, then looked at the young Texan. "Ready to go?"

Fred nodded. "Yep."

Dominique looked at the brunette sitting beside her as she swallowed another large mouthful of doughnut. "What are you guys doing today?"

Fred's bright smile quickly faded. "Getting rid of some of the more questionable clients."

"And patching up that wall in your office."

They all turned to find Xander fully dressed and ready for the world behind them.

"Xander!" Fred nearly shouted, her bright smile quickly returning with a few thousand extra volts. "You're up!"

Faith quipped as she came up from behind Xander. "And bathed."

Xander's face reddened as he shifted uncomfortably. "That was only the one time!"

"Better have been," Giles remarked as he appeared from the masses. He looked at the doughnut tray and frowned. "Where are all the jellies?"

Fred's smile twitched slightly as she hopped off of her stool. "Look at the time! Lots to do."

Faith glanced at the wall clock and swallowed her mouthful of pastry. "B, it's nearly nine. Time for school."

Buffy grimaced as she pushed off from the wall. "Yay. You know, I thought it would be more fun being the teacher. I was wrong."

Willow smiled as she watched the Slayers, both the Chosen Two and the newly Awakened, begin to clear the hall as they moved into the hotel's large ballroom for "Slayer school". The rest of the group closed the gap around them and continued to inhale a quick breakfast before another hectic day.

A few seconds after the lobby had pretty much cleared, Lorne came practically skipping down the stairs, way too jaunty in his bright blue suede suit. "Hello, hello, everyone," he greeted the queue. Before anyone could respond, however, his crimson eyes latched into Willow and he grimaced. "Oh, Scarlet O'Hara my aura, what is wrong with you, dumpling?"

Willow swallowed her mouthful of omelet, confused. "Huh?"

"Oh, honey," Lorne crooned gently, "you're looking a little red around the fringes. Anything on your mind?"

Willow frowned hard. "Red? My aura's green."

"Not today, sweet pea. What seems to be happening?"

Willow shifted uncomfortably in her seat as all eyes drifted t her. "Nothing much. Weird dreams."

At this, Wesley appeared from the office door behind the desk, half-eaten jelly doughnut in hand, which was strange since no one had taken the jellies in the office before they had seemingly disappeared. "If you have a run-in with Darla in any of them, please inform us immediately."

Giles, however, was concerned only with the jelly doughnut. "Ah hah!" he exclaimed, pointing to Wesley. "It was you!"

Too late, Wesley realized that he should at least try and hide the jelly doughnut he had now obviously stolen via magic along with all the other jellies Andrew had made. Giles gave him a look.

Willow rolled her eyes at the two men before grabbing the jelly doughnut from Wesley and taking a bite out of it. "Darla?"

Wesley looked at her incredulously as she ate the last of the jelly and murmured, "Long story."

Lorne was not to be distracted from the crazy antics that surrounded their everyday lives. His eyes remained firmly on Willow. "What's going on in these dreams, sweet pea?"

"Huh?" Willow grunted, looking back up at Lorne. Then she remembered the conversation and shrugged. "Oh, nothing. The usual random quirkiness."

"Right," Lorne said, not looking convinced in the slightest. But he let the matter drop. "If you wanna talk at all, you just sidle on up beside Uncle Lorne. Kapeesh?"

Willow nodded, feeling a little bad for telling the white lie to the demon. She just wasn't sure what she was lying about. "Got it."

The beeper on Gunn's watch went off and the young man sighed. "Okay, that's us. Fred, Wes, Xander, let's get gone."

Xander hesitated and watched as Wesley and Gunn made their way out of the building to the new Mustang waiting outside to take them to the office. He frowned a moment before turning to Fred and pointing upwards. "What about Deadboy?"

Fred shrugged. "I think he fell asleep in the office again last night."

Willow sighed as she let her worries for the vampire over take her a bit. "Don't let him overwork himself. And don't let Spike bother him too much either."

Xander nodded then hesitated once more, turning to Willow and looking at her with a concerned look in his eye. "Something up, Wills?"

Willow looked up at her bestest best friend and almost felt like coming clean about the dark feeling deep within her. Almost. "No. Everything's fine. Just working out some issues."

Xander bit his lip as if debating on telling her something. Then the moment passed and he nodded. "You call me if you need me."

Willow smiled at him, but couldn't quite make the smile as wide as her usual "Happy Willow" smiles were. "Okay."

"I'm serious," Xander said firmly. "You need anything, you call. I'm here for you, Wills."

Willow's smile faded as she regarded her friend seriously. "I know, Xander. I know."

Xander nodded and headed out, calling over his shoulder, "See you tonight."

Willow knew she would see him that night. Even if she didn't remember the details, she knew that somehow, she saw Xander in her dreams every night.


	4. Chapter Three

Xander Harris could not help but smile proudly at the newly patched wall in the office of Charles Gunn, Head of the Legal Department at the Los Angeles offices of Wolfram and Hart. At least, he thought that was the sort-of lawyer's title. Or maybe Executive Smarty Pants. Though that seemed like it should belong to Wesley.

Xander shrugged off the strange thoughts, attributing them to his extreme lack of sleep the night before. _Damn_ _dreams_.

"Well," Xander drawled as he leaned against the arm of one of the chairs for clients in Gunn's large office. "I guarantee it for thirty years or at least one Wedmedas demon. Oh, and the wall seemed free of termites."

Only reason Xander was employed by Angel and his group for these personal office patch jobs was because they all seemed to have some odd paranoia with their offices being bugged. Xander had accepted many years ago that if the Powers That Be kept tabs on them from on high, the darker forces probably did the same. One way or another, he always felt watched.

Gunn looked as satisfied as Xander felt. "Thanks, Xander, I don't know how I would have gotten this done."

"No problem," Xander replied as he turned to the spare pieces of plaster and his tools that were strewn over the office floor. He crouched down next to them while looking up at the new legal brain. "Least I can do after you guys, you know, sheltered, clothed, and fed us."

Gunn raised a brow and gave Xander a pointed look. "Like we had a choice?"

Xander chuckled as he started to gather up the pieces of plaster together. "True."

"Excuse me, sir," an aid muttered as he maneuvered his way around Xander and the mess to Gunn. He handed Gunn a thin manila folder before literally disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Neither Xander, nor Gunn were perturbed in the slightest by this. Which struck Xander as odd.

Gunn glanced quickly over the contents of the folder then sighed. "I'll be a second. Gotta get this to Wesley."

"I'll be right here," Xander called as Gunn ducked out of the office.

Xander smiled as he was left alone to finish up his work. But his solitude was soon interrupted.

"Charles, I…well, hello, manly."

Xander turned to find a beautiful blonde woman leaning against the door. And the way she was looking at him, well, Xander hadn't seen a look like that in quite a while. And keeping in mind what those kind of looks typically indicated in such women, he was wary.

"Um," Xander started, not recognizing the woman as anyone he had met in the time he had spent in the offices. He stood, giving her a halfhearted smile. "Hi.

The woman stepped closer and focused her full attention on him. She started what looked to be a sultry reply, but suddenly stopped. Her playful attitude faded. Suddenly she had her hands planted firmly on either side of his head and Xander found himself being dragged forward and down.

Xander chuckled nervously as he tried to pull himself from the woman's surprisingly strong grip. "Hey, um, that's my head, kinda need it."

The blonde made no indication that she even cared about Xander's sad attempts to slip away from her. If anything her hands tightened around him as she added handfuls of hair to her grip. "You're supposed to be dead."

Xander blinked. "Huh?"

At that precise moment, Gunn walked back into the office. He froze mid-step, casting the scene in front of him a doubtful look. Xander knew they had to look ridiculous with him half slouching in front of the woman as she gripped at his hair. Gunn seemed to take it in stride as he calmly asked, "Eve, why are you holding Xander's head?"

The woman, Eve, glanced from Gunn to Xander, her expression becoming even more confused. She released her hold on Xander and took a step back. "Xander?"

Gunn rolled his eyes as if this wasn't an unusual scene for the law office. Actually, considering what they went through on a day to day basis, it was probably fairly normal. "Xander Harris, this is Eve. Eve, Xander Harris, formerly of Sunnydale."

"Nice to meet you," Xander said with a nervous chuckle, cautiously offereing his hand. "Without the invasion of personal space."

Eve looked down at his hand but did not move to take it.

Gunn raised an eyebrow. "What is all this about, Eve?"

She looked at Gunn, then back at Xander, shock still the dominant emotion on her face. "I thought you…" she started softly, then shook her head. Then she was once again smiling at Xander, her perfect mask back in place. "Ignore it. I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."

Xander blinked as he lowered his hand. "Someone else?"

"Someone you couldn't possibly be," Eve explained in a confident tone. "Dead for several years now."

Xander blinked again. He hadn't expected that. "Oh. Well, I'm sorry."

Eve shook her head and waved dismissively. "He wasn't someone I knew, just someone I knew of."

"Well," Xander started out awkwardly, then shrugged. "Still…sorry."

"Thank you," Eve said warmly before turning to Gunn. "Charles, will you please inform Angel that I'll be unavailable for our meeting this afternoon?"

Gunn glanced up at her as he sat down behind his desk. "Where are you going?"

"Senior Partners," she explained in an absent tone. She nodded at both of them. "Charles. Mr. Harris."

Then she almost ran out of the office.

Xander looked from the open door to Gunn, not sure if he were scared or relieved. "That was weird."

"She's Eve," Gunn said as if that explained everything. "She's like that."

"She's not human, is she?" Xander asked as he half-sat, half leaned against the other man's desk.

"Not so much, no," Gunn replied, unfazed. "Also evil. Maybe. Not too sure."

"I thought she helped you out with that one problem you had the other day," Xander pointed out as he examined the small toy robots Gunn had proudly displayed in the office. "You know, with Spike slipping into hell and everything."

"She did her job, nothing more," Gunn replied, even though he looked up at Xander seriously. "Don't let her fool you. She isn't what she appears to be."

Xander couldn't help but snort. "After life on the Hellmouth, I've learned that lesson well."

"I'd say," Gunn muttered, knowing full well some of the darker stories of Sunnydale. Then he shot Xander a mischievous grin. "She is hot, though, huh?"

Xander couldn't help the firm nod he gave Gunn. "Oh, yeah. Just further proves she's evil."

Gunn looked up at him. "Say what?"

Xander realized what he had said and flushed slightly, a little embarrassed. "All of my…interests…well…they almost always turn out evil."

Gunn blinked in surprise. "Even Willow?"

Xander shot up off the desk and did a double-take. "Willow?"

Gunn grinned again. "Come on, man. What's going on between you two?"

"Going on?" Xander repeated looking at the man as if he'd lost his mind. "Nothing's going on."

"Right," Gunn said as he leaned back to examine Xander, his tone indicating he in no way believed a word that Xander had just said. "You've gotta be blind not to notice the way she looks at you."

Xander couldn't help it. He smirked and ran a finger lightly over his black eye patch. "Well…"

Gunn grimaced. "Poor choice of words. But seriously, man. And the looks you've been givin' her? That Kennedy girl is getting mighty jealous."

"Mighty?" Xander repeated raising his eyebrow.

"I dated Fred for a while," Gunn explained shortly.

Xander rolled his eye and bit back a chuckle. Then he remembered Gunn's previous words. "Listen, I love Willow. She's my oldest and best friend. I'd die for her. And yeah, there was a time when I'd have killed to have her, but…I waited too long. I thought she'd always be there, waiting. I missed my shot."

Gunn gave him one of those looks, as if he knew something Xander did not. "You really think so?"

"Well, she is all gay now," Xander pointed out.

Gunn frowned. "But I thought she dated some werewolf a while back."

"Oz?" Xander supplied, smiling slightly as he thought back to his old friend. "Yeah, they were together for a year and a half. That was pre-gay Willow. Then he came back and she was all gay and she had to choose."

"So she chose the girl?" Gunn asked, looking as if he were actually interested.

"Well…actually, no," Xander admitted slowly, raising his hand to rub his neck slowly. "He went wolfy again and left and it was kinda a choice by default. Actually, I think she woulda chose Tara anyway, but…"

"Are you sure she's full gay?" Gunn asked, that damnable knowing look back in his eyes. "Not liking the both?"

"Well…um…" I had to admit the thought had never really crossed my mind. "She says she's gay, not bisexual."

"Has she ever even considered it?" Gunn asked pointedly.

"I don't know!" Xander gave in to all his frustration as he whined. "She was with Oz, then he dumped her and there was beer and then Tara."

Gunn smiled. "Sounds to me like she was attracted to Oz."

"Well, there was a thing," Xander reluctantly agreed, not liking where this conversation was going. "And she did carry a torch for me for years. But she's gay now."

Gunn shrugged as he sat up and started going through the files on his desk. "Where is it written that she has to be one or the other?"

"Huh?" Xander asked, starting to get tired.

"I'm just saying, if she is attracted to both men and women, it's not a crime," Gunn explained, not taking his eyes from his work. "Actually, I almost think it makes sense sometimes."

Xander stared at the man a moment. "Are you sure you're not gay?"

Gunn glanced up at him and gave a sly smile. "Oh, no, I definitely like the hot mamas. But I don't think your friend is totally gay either."

Xander shook his head and turned away from Gunn to the door. "Okay, now that we've had this very disturbing conversation, who wants chocolate?"

Gunn nodded eagerly. "Yeah, get me a coffee, too, please."

"Not a problem," Xander agreed as he headed out of his friend's office and toward the reception area.

As his luck would go, Harmony was not there to fill his chocolate desires. Knowing that the blonde, dead, secretary could take a very long time to return from whatever meaningless errand Angel had her running, Xander turned towards the elevators and hit the down button.

The elevator emptied when it got to his level. Xander sighed and slid inside the small cell-like machine, hand hitting the B button. It was a long trip to the basement as various people got on and off the elevator, always ignoring the one-eyed flannel-clad young man in the corner. It emptied once again on the ground floor before carrying Xander down to the basement.

The basement probably would have seemed to most like an odd choice. But it was really the basement-type basement that most would have thought. No, there were several sub-basements for that, not excluding the one Spike almost went to hell in. The first basement, though, was home to a few unused labs and a nice, big employee lounge. The lounge was almost always empty, but kept stocked with up-to-date candies and refreshments. It was for this reason that Xander preferred this lounge to the crowded one back up on the floor with Angel's and Gunn's and Wesley's offices.

Feeling the tugging in his stomach, he stepped up to the machines. Deciding to leave the coffee for last in an effort to keep from spilling it and burning himself, he focused his attention on the others. He opted to get his soda first and the candy second.

He slid the appropriate amount of change in the slot, making a mental note to get Angel to reimburse him, then hit the button of his flavor of choice. There was a loud, echoing clunking sound as the can of soda appeared in the bin near the bottom of the machine.

Xander grabbed the can of soda and with a satisfying snap opened it. Swallowing a sigh of pleasure as he heard that familiar fizzing sound, he raised the can to his lips and started to guzzle.

"Xander…"

Xander froze mid-drink and a split second later had to gulp like crazy from spilling the soda down his front. He swallowed the large mouthful of carbonated sugar and turned around. He was alone in the lounge. "Hello?"

"Alexander…"

This time, he knew he heard the soft whisper. He spun around again, but to no avail. He was officially getting pretty creeped. "What's there?"

"You aren't looking…"

Xander swallowed thickly as he started to back slowly out of the lounge towards the elevator, eye scanning constantly for some hint of the disembodied whisper. "Looking?" he repeated, trying to distract the whatever it was and comfort himself. "Well, I have the one eye. One-eyed looking is complicated. Full of…pirate jokes."

"James Alexander."

This time the whisper wasn't so much a whisper as someone standing right behind him and talking in a normal voice. A voice he knew.

Xander whirled around. When he saw her, he literally almost swallowed his tongue.

Tara just smiled softly at him and waved her hand palm forward in front of his face. He felt a warmth go through him, something knitting its way deep within.

"There," Tara said in her soft voice as she looked at him fondly. "Your sight is restored."

Xander didn't really register the words. He could only stare at her. He knew his eye had to be playing tricks on him, but blinking didn't cause her to disappear. She still stood there, in a long silky green skirt and a matching purple and green corset top. Looking just as he remembered. "You're dead."

Her smile faltered a little and she glanced away for a moment, almost wistfully. Then she looked back at him. "Yes."

"The First…"

She didn't deny it with words but instead leaned in close. Her fingers were warm and soft and real as they gently pulled the eye patch up and off.

For everything that he had seen, he could only stare at her with his two fully-functioning eyes in amazement.

"You can see, now," Tara whispered almost sadly. Using gentle hands she turned him around to face the long white hall. "Why aren't you looking?"

The modern, sterile white walls of Wolfram and Hart that had just seconds before stretched onwards endlessly down the corridor now faded into rough stonework that appeared to be centuries old. And where before, Xander was certain he was underground in the middle of downtown Los Angeles, the corridor seemed to open via an elaborate medieval archway into a large green pasture filled with…giant pumpkins. And walking down the abandoned corridor was a very familiar backside and red mane of hair.

"Willow!"

Willow turned to look over her shoulder, face marred by confusion. Yet when her bright green eyes settled on him, her confusion melted away into a wide smile. He smiled back at her, something inside him so happy to see her standing there…in a large billowy black…robe. She was wearing her school uniform, complete with skirt, shirt, tie, knee-high stockings, and little red and gold headband that held her flowing red hair back out of her eyes.

His smile broadened and he found himself hurrying down the corridor, shifting the leather satchel that carried his books, parchment, quills, and ink so it wouldn't jostle during his run. But before he could get to her, she had turned and disappeared. He stopped, looking around the castle hall for any sign of his oldest friend. "Will?"

Suddenly, he felt hands on his shoulders pulling him out of the main hall and into an alcove. She clasped her hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter as she pinned him against the back of the statue of Gregory the Smarmy with her own body. When he finally calmed himself, he snuck his arms around her waist, holding her close to him.

"Hey," he said in a low voice as he gazed into her eyes.

Her eyes twinkled mischievously as she pressed against him, hands sliding around his neck."'Hey' yourself. Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

He cocked an eyebrow at her and let his fingers trail lightly from her back to her sides, tickling. "I can't go three hours without seeing you."

She shivered and he stopped, smile fading, as he felt a deep wanting surge forth. Almost like the lust he had experienced with her back in senior year of high school, but different. More…real.

She noticed his change in demeanor and looked up at him with large concerned eyes. Her right hand moved to cup his cheek as she searched his eyes with her own. "What's wrong, luv?"

He noticed for the first time her crisp and clear accent, but it didn't bother him. It somehow felt…right. Standing there, in her arms… "You're just…you're beautiful."

Her eyes softened and she melted against him, forehead resting against his chin as she hugged him tightly against her. "Want to go to the Astronomy Tower?"

He smiled at the suggestion, of all the hidden meanings it implied. He was also surprised, knowing how much she hated to miss class, especially those taught by their head of house. "McGonagall will kill us."

She pulled back a little, eyes twinkling with some kind of inner knowledge. "Is that a yes, then?"

God help him, he never wanted to let go. "Yes, that's a yes."

"Xander…" a voice called from somewhere far off, but he couldn't be bothered to care. She was on her tiptoes, face tipping towards his, lips shining and soft-looking…

"I love you," he whispered before parting his lips to capture her own…

His head snapped to the side, his cheek stinging horribly. "Xander!"

He stumbled back in shock rather from the blow, not stopping until his rear hit something solid for him to lean against. He was back in the basement of Wolfram and Hart, back in the vending area. He was leaning against the glass walls of the employee lounge, and staring straight at…"Fred?"

The petite Texan looked scared as hell and a little shocked at her raised right hand. She rushed to close the distance between them, grabbing Xander's arm and pulling him away from the wall. "Where have you been!' she asked, eyes looking into his as she bopped up and down frantically. "We've been looking for you for hours!"

He let her pull him a few feet, before he started to look around. "Where'd the castle go?"

"Castle?" Fred repeated. She once again forced him to face her and she looked him over. After a moment she froze as she stared straight into his eyes. Or rather, his left eye. His non-patched left eye. "Xander, your eye…"

"Huh?" Xander grunted, a little confused. He reached up, feeling for his patch, knowing how disgusting it looked. "Sorry, I…wait a minute."

It was then he realized that he could see. With both eyes.

Fred looked at him, amazed. "How did this happen? Who? What?"

He gave a breathy bark of laughter as he gingerly felt the slight roundness of his left eyeball. "She really did it…"

Then he looked up…and saw his reflection in the glass. Xander hardly recognized himself. His hair was everywhere, not perfectly styled in place he so meticulously did every morning. And he was wearing wire-rimmed glasses…and his clothes weren't his. They were gone, replaced by something that looked more like…a robe. _The uniform_, he thought. _But of what_?

Xander stared at the reflection, reached out a hand to try and touch it. But when his skin made contact with the cold glass, the odd reflection disappeared, replaced in the blink of an eye with the one that should have been there. But when he saw his real reflection, for some reason tears came to his eyes.

"No," he whispered, longing to see the reflection that was wrong but so right. "No, I want it back…"

A hand on his arm made him remember Fred. He looked down into her worry-filled eyes. But he couldn't bring himself to explain any of it. He didn't understand any of it himself. And the tears rose to his eyes, unbidden.

"Xander?" she asked softly, confused.

He couldn't do this anymore. Not that moment. He was too tired. "Can we go back to the hotel now?"

She watched him for a moment longer before lightly taking his arm with one hand, wrapping her other arm around his back to coddle him against her like a child. "Of course we can."

But he didn't want to go to the hotel. He wanted to go home. He just wasn't sure where that was anymore.

A/N: I know, healing Xander's eye is an overly done plot thingy and cheapens the sacrifice given in the show. I only did it to emphasize how powerful this Tara actually is. Also, it fit in well with her message to Xander. She's obviously not a ghost or the First or human for that matter. So what is she? Any thoughts? Again, I apologize to those who will be offended by the tacky healing of the eye. My only excuse is that I've never done it before and never seeing myself doing it again.


	5. Chapter Four

Willow sat in the shadows leaning forward against the railing of the mezzanine at the Hyperion Hotel. Down the hall, several of the new Awakened Slayers were watching Xander as he slept. Below in the lobby, chaos ensued.

Everyone was worried about Xander and his newly regained eye. Willow could hardly believe it herself. It was impossible. They all knew that it was impossible to heal Xander. Even with magic. But the impossible was, of course, a part of their daily schedule and had come to be more or less expected. The fact that Xander claimed to not know what had happened and had completely disappeared from Wolfram and Hart for over four hours, not even detectable by the spells that were on the place, caused worry.

Buffy, Angel, Dawn, Fred, Gunn, Wesley, Giles, Kennedy, Vi, Spike, Andrew, and Lorne were scattered throughout the lobby, discussing this rather unexpected turn. Well, more like yelling. Spike was just there to annoy. Kennedy and Vi were confused.

Willow was not invited to the meeting. They told her to watch Xander, be with him, look into the magical aspects of what had happened. But she knew why she was not welcome. They were scared of her too, of what was happening to her.

"Quiet!" Angel shouted, bringing silence to the lobby. Everyone's attention snapped to the vampire who seemed to have a migraine as he sat on the settee near the door to the office. He turned to the panicky Texan who was pacing and wringing her hands frantically a few feet away. "Fred, what happened?"

Poor Fred looked confused and bedraggled and guilty for some reason as she shrugged miserably. "I found him in the basement, in one of the employee snack places."

Gunn gave a long-suffering sigh from his place at the front desk. "I told you, I already looked there, he wasn't--"

"Just wait a sec, okay?" Fred snapped at him, causing everyone to look at her in surprise. She paid them no mind and continued, "He was standing in a corner, staring at the wall, smiling."

There was silence for a few seconds. Then Kennedy prodded, "And?"

Fred held out her hands as if presenting them with something. "And that was it. He was just as shocked to find his eye healed as I was. Said 'she really did it', then got confused, then pretty much forgot everything."

"Forgot?" Vi repeated, completely confused. "How do you forget something like that?"

Fred crossed her arms and shrugged. "When he finally got coherent, he said he didn't know how it happened."

"And before he was coherent?" Wesley pushed.

"Something about some girl and a castle," Fred said slowly. It was only the third or fourth time she had explained all this. Willow felt sorry for her. "Oh, and before, he was calling me Willow and--"

Fred stopped suddenly and flushed, looking down at her shoes.

Giles sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "And what?"

"He tried to kiss me" Fred said softly, so soft, Willow almost didn't pick it up. "That was when I slapped him."

Willow felt like sighing, but knew she couldn't. If she gave herself away to the group down below, she'd never be able to hear what they were saying. And it was important stuff. Castle. There was something she should know about the castle. And all of it. But she couldn't place it. She was so exhausted, so numb inside, so unwilling to let the strange emotions overtake her again. She hated the all-consuming grief that took her in the night. She hated grieving for no apparent reason, for something that she had no idea what was.

"Who was this girl?" Faith asked with an edge to her voice. She had been pretty protective of the Scoobs of late, particularly of Xander. Probably trying to make up for trying to kill him and everything. Didn't help that Xander had pretty much welcomed her back with open arms.

Fred shook her head. "He wouldn't say."

Spike, who had been listening to the conversation passively, suddenly looked up. "Wouldn't?"

Fred then nodded. "I don't know how much he actually forgot and how much he's just saying he forgot. Said something about it being personal."

"This is a little too Hellmouthalicious to be personal," Buffy said as she shifted in her chair. "Eyes don't just grow back. Willow couldn't even find a spell to help him and god knows she tried."

Angel shook his head as he brooded over what had been said. "I don't like this."

"He's been out of it since Anya," Andrew chimed in seriously, though he was wearing fuzzy Elmo house-slippers. "I mean, his ex-fiancée-sort-of-girlfriend died. That's bound to bum him out."

Dawn whipped her head around to Giles as she suddenly thought of something. "You don't think it was her, do you? I mean, it wouldn't be the first time someone reached out from beyond the grave to help us out."

Buffy shook her head. "He would have told us, I'm sure of it."

Giles nodded his agreement. "And with the reference to Willow…"

Willow frowned. That was the one thing that bothered her most. If she took what everyone was saying and subtracted the panicked crazy, then it became clear to her that she had been one of the key members of Xander's fantasy. And he'd tried to kiss her. The strangest thing about that was that the thought didn't disgust her. It attracted her.

Buffy sighed as she made a helpless gesture. "I know he's been a little distant the past few days, but--"

"This has been going on since Sunnydale, Buffy," Dawn cut in, her tone serious with a hint of fear. "With both Xander _and_ Willow. We've ignored it, yeah, hoping that maybe…but this isn't emotional. Something is seriously wrong with them."

"Willow keeps having dreams," Kennedy murmured. "Nightmares, usually. The worst was last night."

Willow shivered. She knew the nightmare was there, under the surface of her mind. She couldn't really reach it. And she wasn't sure she wanted to. Because her heart knew that that way lied pain.

Giles turned to Kennedy, interest piqued. "Did she say anything?"

Kennedy thought it over before saying slowly, "She was screaming in her sleep, said she had to get to them, that the second war had begun, that the battle was going on and she had to be there to help her friends."

Wesley listened to her intently, brow furrowed in thought. "Prophetic?"

Kennedy shook her head. "The way she was talking, I got the impression that it was happening in real time. If what she was saying was true…"

"What war?" Vi asked, her voice pitched high which usually indicated with her a near panic. "And second? When was there a first?"

"Maybe not a first, but _the_ First?" Buffy said lowly. "It's not like we actually destroyed it. It's still out there."

"No," Dawn replied firmly. "It has, like, no power. It wont be strong enough to even manifest again for at least a few centuries."

Angel stood and rolled his shoulders. "You two can't give us anything more?"

Kennedy seemed to really think this over carefully. Then shrugged. "A baby. Something about a baby. That's all I know."

Dawn looked around as all fell silent then growled in exasperation. "Anyone?"

Giles sighed and waved the hand he currently held his glasses in in some sort of bewildered gesture. "The way they've been fazing out and losing time is enough to concern me."

"What if they sing for Lorne?" Gunn suggested. "Maybe it's not a physical thing, but something else?"

Lorne had been silent throughout the entire conversation. But at that moment he decided to chime in. "Willow sang for me a few days ago," he admitted guiltily.

Willow rolled her eyes, but couldn't blame the demon. He probably should have brought up her reading when this all began almost an hour ago, but had stayed silent as if weighing the options. Willow didn't care for her friends to know, they might even have more luck at figuring out her path than she and Lorne had been.

"What?" Angel asked, obviously miffed that Lorne hadn't brought it up earlier. "When?"

"She said she needed to know something about her family," Lorne explained softly, "and asked me to read her."

Willow almost flinched at the word 'family'. it was true, that was what she had asked about. The words had come out of her mouth unconsciously, and they confused her afterwards to no end. Her only actual family were Sheila and Ira, her mother and father. They had survived the Hellmouth collapse, having left in the exodus in the days before. Of course, they had written it off as some new conference. She hadn't heard from them since. Even through it all, from a very young age, they never really felt like parents. Hell, she knew they didn't act like parents. She didn't actually consider them family.

She had always thought of her friends as her family, ever since she was seven. Xander was, of course, the most important of all. Buffy, Dawn, and Giles ranked pretty high. Jesse had once been up there. Tara. Anya. Mrs. Summers was more of a mother than Sheila had ever been. The Fang Gang was slowly edging their way up, with the almighty Fang and his grand-childe themselves earning high marks themselves. Hell, she even considered the comatose Cordelia as sorta family.

But now she felt like something was missing. And try as she might to work around the feeling, she knew it was there. And it was big.

Downstairs, Faith was getting impatient for Lorne to continue. "And?"

Lorne sighed then shook his horned head. "I couldn't."

"You couldn't?" Fred repeated, tone shocked and dismayed.

"Her future is muddled right now," Lorne explained. "As in muddy water. Something in motion now is constantly changing her path. If Xander is showing the same signs, I'd say he will have the same problem."

"Is it the multiple Slayers thing?" Kennedy questioned.

Lorne sat back and crossed his arms in front of him as if relaxing. "No, you all have destinies, clear and shiny."

Kennedy nodded, then looked up at something. "Excuse me," she muttered then scampered off to the rear of the hotel.

"A spell," Dawn suggested. "What about a spell?"

Fred shrugged. "Willow does all of that witch stuff so maybe…"

"Is there a prophecy?" Buffy asked Giles, clearly running out of ideas. "Cause those we can handle."

"They still going on?"

Willow looked behind her at the soft words to find a pair of brown eyes watching her with a tender warmth she hadn't seen in a very long time. She gave him half a smile and nodded a bit as she scooted away from the railing. "Yep."

Xander held his hands out to her, which she took without thinking. He gently pulled her to her feet, then released one hand, entwining his fingers with hers as his other hand twisted to hold hers more closely. She smiled and gave his larger hand a small squeeze to let him know it was okay. He halfway smiled back and as one they turned to go deeper down the hall, away from the debating, so that they could have more privacy.

"They have any clue?" he asked softly as he ran his thumb lightly over hers.

"Nope," she replied without thought as she leaned her head instinctively against him. They couldn't know. Because she barely knew herself.

"What happened?" she asked, feeling compelled to know more. If what he saw was anything like what she saw, maybe they could help each other. Maybe together they could piece together the mystery that she knew was around her.

He shook his head, his two eyes staring down at the floor they walked as they saw something only he could see. "I don't really know."

Willow nodded. She understood that feeling. It was so unknown, so indefinable. And it haunted her. "Who is she?" she asked him, hoping for a clearer answer.

He glanced at her quickly and the sides of his mouth momentarily quirked up in a smile, but then it was gone. And she knew in that moment that he at least remembered who if not how, what, or why. "An old friend," he explained simply. "Nothing you should know about."

"But it has to do with me," she pointed out, can't helping the fleeting twinges of frustration for him not elaborating.

They continued on in silence for a moment before he slowed then stopped. He released his grip on her hand and she felt both of his own come up to rest lightly on her shoulders. He gently forced her to face him and he looked down at her with such concern. "Why didn't you tell me you were having nightmares?"

She could smell him, breath him in every time she inhaled/ She saw him with her eyes, and felt his hands physically on her and his heat slightly warm her front in the cool hotel. She felt him in her emotions and her mind as well, in her magic his aura twisted and shone, colors morphing and merging continuously together. He was flooding her with his everything and the intensity was suddenly too much.

She could see it and feel it so clearly in some reality out of time as he moved over her, in her, in their bed spelled into secrecy within Peter's soul. She knew they were safe in her mind and in his arms she had always felt safe. But with everything going on, the pain, the death, the suffering, it was slowly sapping her of any safety she had ever known. And she couldn't help but feel sort of weary as she gave herself to her husband, weary of everything, of the worry she felt for the boy and weary of the guilt for silently praying that Alice's young son would be the one to be cursed…

Willow stepped back as she suddenly felt Xander's hand on her shoulder slide up to cup her face. She shuffled far enough away to break contact. It was too much, she couldn't handle it and her mind suddenly started to throb.

"I…" she started, wincing as the headache came so suddenly upon her. "I don't really remember them. Bits and pieces."

And it was the truth. For as much as she knew some things, others faded or receded into the back of her mind so she didn't try and kill herself trying to make them make sense in her head.

"Last night was the worst," she added softly, feeling the slight sting of battling warmth and cool as her silent tears created wet trails down her cheeks.

"I know," he all but whispered, eyes suddenly so sad as his hands fell to his sides. And she knew then he must have felt it for he had been so worried, so sure something was wrong with her. "Something happened. Someone died."

Willow nodded as the pain of the death of one so close she had always thought of him as a brother hit home. She grieved for him. Grieved for the fact that she had not been able to help him. Grieved for the fact that she had not been able to fight beside him. Grieved for the fact that she had no idea who he was.

She sighed and leaned back against the wall of the hallway. "I'm so confused."

Xander grimaced and gave her a withering look. "Get in line."

She couldn't help it. She just loved tormenting him. "Take a number beforehand."

He cracked a smile at least, which was all she could really hope for. Then he almost instantly turned serious. "I'm not mourning Anya," he told her. He paused for a moment to let that piece of information sink in before continuing. "I loved her. I miss her. But I know…I know she was happy. We had our time. It was over."

She felt compelled to share something secret, something important with him too. So she did. "I'm not in love with Kennedy. Or…I don't think I am."

He blinked, apparently very surprised by this revelation. "Really?"

She simply nodded. "Everything used to be very clear."

"And now, it's all jumbled," he continued for her. "Gets more jumbled every day."

She smiled. She had known he felt it too. "Yeah. Like my brain went kerfluey."

He cocked his head and gave her an appraising look. "You're sure about her, though?"

Willow pushed away from the wall and stood straight before him, positive in her feelings now that she had voiced them aloud. "Yeah. I'm in love with someone. Maybe the idea of someone. But it's not her."

"Tara?" he suggested, expression carefully guarded.

Willow shook her head and for some reason wasn't surprised by the flash of relief she saw in his eyes. "Not her either."

"Oz?" he tried again. This time she really saw his fear of her answer plainly in his eyes.

She flashed him a wide smile. "Nope." Her smile widened impossibly as she once again saw his relief. Then she sobered, and met his eyes seriously. "I know who it isn't. I just don't know who it _is_."

"I know what you mean," he mumbled, looking straight at her.

She fought the urge to swallow as she met his gaze head on. And she felt it again, the mysterious wave of the other that broke upon her, trying to take her away with it but only leaving her wet and shivering in the cold. She fought it. She didn't want to see anymore. Not that night.

"Xander?" she started tentatively, almost frightened of the question she was about to ask. "What's the first thing you remember?"

He looked at her carefully. "About what?"

Willow gulped, but gathered her courage and did not back down. "Life. Your parents? Your home?"

It was a loaded question. She knew it was. She knew something was happening to her. Something about her life. She had thoughts she shouldn't have. She saw things that made no sense. And through it all she had the strong sense, stronger than with the whole Dawn the Key incident, that her memories were not her own.

Xander finally shrugged after several moments of deep contemplation. "I remember some things, fuzzy stuff. Most of the early stuff isn't too clear. Mom, Dad. My room. The kitchen. Smells. Cookies. Juice. Playgroup. Kindergarten."

Willow smiled at him and raised an eyebrow. "Well, I know you remember that."

Xander chuckled slightly. "Yeah. Still a little blurry around the edges most of the time." then he stopped. He paused for a moment, thinking something over. Almost as if he was afraid to bring it up. Then he shook off whatever it was and looked at her seriously. "I do have one really clear memory. The first really striking one."

Willow licked her lips, for some reason highly anticipating the answer. "What's that?"

"You," he said simply. "Seeing you for the first time. Playing dress up in that curtain. You were so…shiny."

Willow giggled. She remembered the incident he was talking about. They had been seven and her mother had bought new curtains for the living room. She had loved the old curtains, they had been so special to her. So, in typical Willow fashion, she had declared that her mother could not throw out the curtains and tied a piece of the old curtain around her to wear as a "new dress". Of course, Xander had been there, wearing the other half of the curtains as his own personal toga. "That wasn't the first time we met, silly. We were seven. We met when we were three."

Xander smiled and shook his head as he stepped closer to her. "Still feels like the first time I really saw you."

Willow felt the swirl of emotion again. But this time she let her love for her friend come. The deep connection she shared with him thrived and with a start she realized how long it had been since they had just been together, best friend to best friend. "I remember you, to," she said as she raised a hand to trace the brow of his now perfectly healed eye. "You've always been there. Always. My whole life story revolves around you."

His arms went around her, one resting on her shoulder as he played gently with the base of her neck, the other holding her carefully around the waist as if she might break.

"I've missed you," he whispered and she saw that her tears were reflected in his own eyes.

And she felt like she was home. "I've missed you, too." She hugged him tightly, reveling in the feeling of him, her best friend. "Don't ever leave me again."

"I never left before," he replied with a smile as he tightened his own grip around her.

They didn't see the pair of eyes flashing as they held each other.

She listened to the exchange, blood burning hotter with every word spoken. And the touching…it was more than she could stand. But at the end…the end was the worst. Because that was when she knew it was over.

Kennedy turned and walked down the hallway, empty. All of her anger, her contempt, her jealousy…it was all taken away in a flash. And all that it left behind was a void where the hope of true love had once been. It had taken all she had to fight the memory of Tara. She had thought that to be her main obstacle in her quest to claim Willow's heart. She had just written Xander off as a childhood friend, the male equivalent of a "fag hag". She hadn't even worried. But she knew now she couldn't compete.

Whatever was going on, it was happening to both of them. And the connection she couldn't see had grown and strengthened. However this thing turned out, she could see that it would end with the two of them standing side by side. And there was no place for her in that.

She would bide her time, enjoy the moments she had left. But she knew from that moment on that her time was borrowed.

A/N: This started out as an interesting idea but now it's turning into an incredibly sad fic. A tearjerker, only without tears. Hope it's not incredibly sappy.

Also, if you're confused on what they do and don't remember…well, first off, I'm hoping you are. The idea is that the audience feels just as confused and frustrated as Xander and Willow would feel. Second, they remember a lot of what happens in their visions and some from their dreams and random bouts of knowledge, but they don't understand what or why so it doesn't make sense and therefore they don't know it. Confused? Good.

PLEASE REVIEW!


	6. Chapter Five

A/N: Just to clarify. There are many ways in which to take a concept like this. Let me tell you where I won't be going. This won't be a bashing fic. Dumbledore did a horrible thing, yes, but I won't be writing him as an evil man. He did what he thought was for the greater good, however cruel and wrong we know it to be. There will be retaliation, yes, but that won't involve the Watchers Council blowing up Hogwarts or Willow flaying anyone. As Dumbledore once said, there are many worse things in this world than death.

There aren't two dual spirits or personalities in Willow and Xander. It isn't Willow and Xander and Lily and James sharing the same bodies. Willow and Xander _are_ Lily and James. I think in many ways this works. They share many personality traits in canon. Willow and Lily in particular strike me as similar. The traits they don't share can be explained as nurture related instead of nature, such as James being arrogant and confident. Xander, for example, can be arrogant in certain situations, but confidence…nuh uh. James was brought up by (presumably) loving, wealthy Pureblood (not weighing in on the blood-status thing with this comment, just saying the Potters were most likely well-established and well-respected in the wizard in world) parents. Xander was brought up by anything but. This does not mean that the two differing Xander and James personalities will be conflicting, really. James just now has insecurities that he didn't have before. And Xander has shown that he can grow and be confident (a la the yellow crayon).

It will take many chapters for the truth to come out. When it does, there will be more chapters of emotional upheaval before action is taken.

And to Zafaran, who asked me if Xander and Willow are physically sick because they might be aging back to where they should be as James and Lily Potter, the answer is no. The physical sickness is related to what is happening, but it is more a physical manifestation of the psychological. Lots of it has to do with stress. The spell isn't broken, it can't be broken technically like a memory charm. It's different.

Also, I'm kinda surprised that there haven't been any flames regarding canon issues with the Potters being dead. Like Harry's protection or the Priori Incantatum "ghosts" from GoF. Well, now that I've mentioned them, let me just say that, yes, they still existed in HP universe. There are explanations.

Xander Harris sat behind the front desk of the Hyperion Hotel contemplating the architectural blueprints laid out in front of him. It was still fairly early, just after five, and most of the hotel was still silent as it slept. The only exception to that being the group of Slayers who had been assigned the dreaded last Patrol of the night had just gotten back and were currently making some disgruntled noises as they started the breakfast routines.

He sighed as he found that, once again, the hotel's strange architecture was going to either limit what he wanted to do or make the project cost more than he had hoped it would. Giles was starting to get impatient with him, wanting him to finish up the dorm-like rooms they had planned as faze one in the construction of the Slayer Academy. But certain situations had caused delays. Situations involving him and Willow and their missing time and weird dreams. Which he refused to think about since that seemed to bring more dreams.

"Hey."

Xander looked up to find Angel leaning on the doorframe, mug of what Xander presumed to be blood in his hands, looking a bit worse for wear. Xander glanced at the clock, noting that it was barely twelve minutes before the 5:44 sunrise. "Hey. You're cutting it close."

Angel gave a small nod and stepped into the office, his entire being exuding exhaustion. "Long night."

Xander raised his eyebrows as the light finally revealed the vampire's heavily blood-stained clothing. "I'll bet. Why are you here instead of at your new spiffy apartment?"

Angel narrowed his eyes as he growled, "Spike."

Xander had never liked Angel and he absolutely hated Spike. Maybe that was why he enjoyed the fights their mutual hatred of each other brought. "He can follow you here."

"Here he's more likely to run into Buffy," Angel reminded him as he leaned against the wall and took a sip from his mug.

Xander smiled slightly. It certainly was interesting to watch the fireworks that was Buffy, Spike, and Angel in one room. It usually ended with Spike disappearing in that ghosty way of his, Angel stalking out of the room with his coat billowing, and Buffy demanding that one of the new Slayers spar with her. Whoever was stupid enough to get roped into that usually came out barely alive.

"Ah, well, good night," Xander said to the vampire as he turned his attention back to the blueprints before him. "Or good morning. Whatever."

Xander had never actually been able to hear Angel come and go if the vampire hadn't wanted him to, but he knew when he was being watched…well, okay, he knew when he was being watched about sixty percent of the time. And he knew that Angel's eyes were trying to bore a whole right through him.

Xander gave a long-suffering sigh and slowly raised his gaze back up to the vampire. Just as he had known, Angel's eyes were locked onto him with an intensity that, quite frankly, made Xander a little uncomfortable. "What do you want?"

Angel pushed away from the wall and slid into the seat in front of the desk facing Xander. "I can't just want to have a chat with an old friend?"

Xander didn't reply, but raised his eyebrows.

Angel gave a small shrug. "Okay, yeah, well, Buffy's worried."

Xander snorted. "And when Buffy's worried, everyone had better be."

"I guess…I'm a little concerned too," Angel admitted, his tone grave.

Xander sighed. If Angel was actually worried about Xander then everyone else must have been pretty spooked. Not that Xander himself wasn't spooked either. Generally, it was a bad thing when he saw a dead person besides Buffy. Though getting his eye healed made up for a hell of a lot of the spookiness. "I'm fine, Angel. It was a…confusing day yesterday, but I'm okay now."

"No more lost time?" Angel asked, putting a lot of weight behind the question.

Xander shivered as he thought of his talk yesterday with Willow. He hadn't necessarily lost time or seen things that weren't there. But there had definitely been an incident. "Not today," he whispered, reasoning that it was half-true at least. "Not yet."

Angel watched him for a few moments, eyes probing a little too deep for Xander's comfort. "What do you see?" the vampire asked gently. "When you faze out?"

Xander blinked. He had, of course, been drilled on what had happened the day before over and over again, but the other times, the moments when he just sat and stared at something…no one had asked pointblank about them. He didn't know why. Perhaps it was the same reason he didn't think about them. Maybe they were all scared of what they might mean too.

"I…" he started, but then found that he really didn't know how to put it into words. He didn't really know what he saw. None of it made sense. Not a bit of it. But as much as it frightened him, as much as he knew how great the implications were, deep down he wanted those glimpses. He loved them. He loved the world they showed him. For he knew in his heart that that world was right and the world he lived in was somehow incomplete.

The tears came unbidden to his eyes as he felt the feelings of emptiness and deep longing fill him. He had always loved his life, loved his friends, loved the mission they were on. And part of the sorrow he felt was that he knew they suddenly weren't enough, weren't right. He wanted them to be right, loved them all so deeply that it hut to think them flawed. But he knew that so many things were missing, so many things were broken and could not be mended.

"It's okay," Angel said as he stood and stepped closer. "I understand."

Xander nodded and pushed the feelings away. It wouldn't do to have one of his episodes in front of Angel, the vampire he hated with a passion. As he calmed himself down, he finally noticed that Angel was holding something out to him. Xander took it, frowning at what appeared to be a book bound in soft leather. It felt like something out of the Middle Ages in his hands. He flipped it open and found that instead of paper, the pages were unlined and made from what looked like parchment. "What's this?"

"If you can't talk, maybe writing about it will help," Angel told him with a straight face. "You don't have to show it to anyone. Just keep it on you, write in it after you faze out. Soon as you make sense of what's happening, sooner we all can help you."

Xander looked at the vampire for a moment, then nodded. "Thanks, Deadboy."

Angel's face immediately darkened. "Don't call me that."

Xander stood and stretched, quirking an eyebrow as he smirked at Angel. "Where's the fun in that?"

Angel's frown deepened. "I can make your life just as aggravating as you make mine."

Xander raised both eyebrows higher and shot the vampire a knowing look before heading towards the coffee machine. "Is that a threat?"

"Why do you suddenly smell like arousal whenever Willow comes into a room?"

Xander froze right where he was. Very slowly he turned to look at the vampire behind him.

Angel just gave him that annoying brooding look he always seemed to have. "She's a part of it, isn't she?"

"Of course she's a part of it," he replied a bit testily. He didn't have time for stupid questions, not from stupid vampires.

Angel didn't even blink at the venom in Xander's tone. "But?"

Xander once again couldn't find words. He knew what Angel wanted him to admit, but what did he expect when Xander was trying to deny it himself. It was nothing, just like the fluke back in senior year. Even if it felt so much more real than the fluke…

"Hey, guys!"

They both turned in surprise to see a wide awake Dawn brightly smiling at them from the door. Xander could tell, though, that her chipper attitude was forced, as if she were trying to hide something.

"Hey, Dawn," Xander greeted cautiously. "You're up early."

Dawn's smile faded and she seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if she didn't want to answer Xander's implied question. Then she sighed in resignation. "Kennedy and Willow are fighting. Kinda woke me up."

Xander did a double take. Even Angel blinked in surprise before repeating, "Fighting?"

Dawn gave a small nod before giving Xander a meaningful glance. "I think Kennedy is kinda scared."

Well, of course she was scared. She had a right to be, Xander both knew and supported that. Hell, he was scared. But that didn't give anyone the right to… "And she's yelling at Willow to what?" he asked Dawn as a sudden surge of anger rush through him. "Feel better about herself?"

Whatever Dawn's reply was going to be was cut off by the arrival of the bickering and very unhappy looking Chosen Two. Dawn hurried over to them, a small look of relief in her eye. "Good morning."

"Says who?" Faith grumbled as she scowled at the room.

Dawn turned from Faith to the equally disgruntled looking Buffy. "Kennedy and Willow?"

Buffy nodded.

Xander sighed in frustration as he handed Buffy the mug of coffee he had just poured for himself before turning to get one for Faith. "What are they even fighting about?"

Faith accepted the coffee with a grateful half-smile. "What I heard had a lot to do with you. Something about the two of you being alone upstairs last night holding hands."

"And hugging," Buffy said.

"And touching," Dawn added softly.

Xander scowled at the three girls giving him those damned female knowing looks. "We're friends. Of course we hug and touch. Innocent, friendly touch. Not groping touch."

"Sure, Xand," Faith said as stretched. "Kennedy's upset about innocent friendly touches."

"Why did they get up at five in the morning to fight?" Buffy grumbled as she scratched her head.

"We shoulda just told them to shut up," Faith said before taking a sip of her coffee. "I've had too little sleep for the day I have planned."

Buffy nodded, then shot Xander a concerned look. "Did you get enough sleep?"

Xander hesitated. He was sleeping enough. Actually, he was sleeping a little too much. But he knew why Buffy was wondering. He had lost quite a bit of weight over the past few weeks. And he knew that he looked pretty haggard. He didn't know what the problem was. He had even seen a doctor that gave him a clean bill of health. He knew it had something to do with what was going on, but there wasn't any physical cause.

"Ten hours," he replied gently.

Dawn rolled her eyes and gave a small pout. "No fair."

"Are you feeling okay?" Buffy persisted, ignoring her sister.

He nodded. "Sure."

"Cause, you know, you look like shit," Faith said outright, though her concern was just as evident as Buffy's

Xander rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Faith."

"Well, as long as we're up and Andrew's, well, not," Buffy began slowly," why don't we all go for McDonald's breakfast."

Dawn brightened at that. "Hotcakes!"

"There's a McDonald's just down the street," Angel suggested from the corner he had silently retreated to.

"I know it," Faith said as she sat her coffee mug down on the desk and turned. "Let's go, then."

"Xander?" Dawn asked hopefully.

Xander smiled at the girl and threw an arm around her shoulders as they followed Buffy and Faith into lobby and towards the front doors. "Hey, when have I turned down food?"

"Where are you guys going?"

They all turned to see Kennedy and Willow coming down the stairs towards them. Both were smiling forcibly.

"Hey," Xander greeted the redhead as he stepped close to her. "Everything okay?"

Willow gave him a small nod though she kept her distance. "Yeah," she said before turning to the girls. "You're all up early."

Buffy, Faith, and Dawn exchanged q few quick glances before looking up at the two other girls. "Couldn't sleep," Buffy said in a cheery tone. "Wanna go to McDonald's with us?"

"Yeah, sure," Willow replied very quickly, then hesitated and glanced at her girlfriend. "If Kennedy wants to."

Kennedy glanced at Xander, then at the group and nodded. "I could do with a McBreakfast."

There was a tense moment of silence. Then Xander smiled. "Bet I can beat my record."

Kennedy shot him a confused look. "Record at what?"

"How many Egg McMuffin's he can scarf down in five minutes," Faith said with a roll of her eyes.

Willow nodded. "Without the ick factor the Gatorade incident brought on."

"Welcome to McDonald's! May I take your order?"

Willow glared at the entirely to peppy from her spot several places back in the line.

She was not in the mood. She had been awoken rather rudely by Kennedy several hours earlier than she had originally intended to wake. Once she had understood why Kennedy was practically raving at her, she knew why. She had been having a dream. A very nice dream. A slightly naughty dream. Starring Xander. And apparently she had been vocal in the real life about it.

Willow didn't actually remember much of the dream, which suggested to Willow that it had been less about her subconscious and more about her and Xander's "episodes". Well, that and the fact that what she remembered featured him wearing glasses, though little else, and had been set in a place Willow had never seen before. But she hadn't even been able to get that argument through to Kennedy. So Willow had pretty much let her lover have her jealous rant. At least until she had actually directly insulted Xander. Then it got ugly.

Words were exchanged. Not so nice words. By the time Kennedy was done, not only had Xander and Willow's names been dragged through the mud, but Buffy's, Angel's, Fred's, Lorne's, and Dawn's. Willow still wasn't sure why Kennedy had started in on them, but she had the sneaking suspicion that it was just because they had been the most supportive during their recent confusing times. Well, and Fred had been the one to find Xander the day before at Wolfram and Hart's.

Willow had been pretty nasty right back to Kennedy. She had even cursed at her. In the end, they had both apologized to one another, but Willow wasn't sure it would be enough. Even though they had said what they said in the heat of anger, some ugly truths had been exposed.

But now there they stood, in what seemed to be a never-ending line, right behind a good percentage of the people they had been arguing about. Xander looked pretty excited to be out and about, almost as if he were trying too hard to be normal. Dawn seemed happy that he was acting normal, no matter how fake. Buffy and Faith were too busy arguing over something to notice. And Kennedy was doing a good imitation of Xander's fake happy vibe.

Willow sighed. She just wanted to be in bed. Or at least alone for five minutes. She turned and smiled at Kennedy and motioned towards the rear of the restaurant. "I'm gonna go wash my hands."

Kennedy gave a non-committal nod. "Okay."

Xander must have heard Willow, for he turned and gave her a dazzling too-happy smile. "Hey, Willow, what do you want?"

"Oh, um, get me a Happy Meal," she told him, trying very hard to not notice the scowl Kennedy shot him. "And a bottle of water."

His smile softened and became more real for a moment. "You want the girl toy or the boy toy?"

She shot him her own smile, the first smile of the day that she hadn't forced. "What do you think?"

He winked at her. "Both it is."

"I'll save you a seat," Kennedy told her, then hesitated. After a moment of nervous contemplation, she added, "I love you."

She looked into Kennedy's hopeful eyes, knowing what the girl wanted from her. But for some reason, she just couldn't say it at the moment. She was just so tired…

She gave the hand in hers a warm squeeze as she returned Kennedy's smile. Then she turned and headed away from the group. She turned the corner, looking towards the rear of the building for the bathroom she knew had to be there. She spotted the small alcove that housed the two swinging doors with the ugly blue stick-people on them almost immediately. She sighed, hoping that the smell wouldn't be as bad as it had been the last time she had dared to use a public restroom.

A quick flash of light caught her eye. It was strange and unsettling for two reasons. First, the flash came from outside the restaurant. Second, the light was a striking shade of green. A shade that made Willow almost instantly sick.

She slowed at the door of the restroom. It would have been simple, to just go in and wash her hands and then go and watch Xander try and beat his record. But there was something so familiar about that light. Something that stirred in her a fear that she had seldom known.

She looked back towards the windows that showed a glimpse of the outside world. And she was not surprised to see that green flash again. She could not see what it was. The flashes were coming from deep within the alley beside the restaurant.

She knew she should let it be. She could feel her mind start to sink into the whirlpool of emotion and confusion that plagued her. But her fear of what could come, what might have happened if she ignored this was too much. It outweighed her hate of the black whirlpool. For she knew that where that light flashed, someone she loved was in need.

There was a side door just a few feet away. It would take her outside, close to the alley. None of her friends had to know, none of them would follow. They would be safe and she could help those who needed her.

The decision practically made itself.

It was the middle of June in Los Angeles, California. Even though it was early morning, typically the heat of the day was starting to rise. But for some reason, it was cold. No, not just cold. Freezing. It shouldn't have been that cold. Even though Southern California had its share of unpredictable weather, she knew that it was way too cold for normal.

She shivered as she walked through the cold dawn, slowly following the green flashes down the alley. The alley was mainly deserted, even of the rats that should have been at the restaurant's dumpster. She stopped a few feet inside the alley, her nerve slowly fading away. But something held her there, something she couldn't quite place. The sound of hustle and bustle of the city was slowly fading.

A new gust of icy wind broke Willow from her daze. It tore through every layer of clothing she had on, chilling her to the bone. Instinctively she turned her back to the wind, teeth chattering. That's when she heard it. It was ever so faint. Stiller than the calm rustle of tree leaves. Softer than the gentle music of the wind chimes. A whisper of a whisper.

"_Run, Lily…_"

She whirled back around and found that she was no longer in an alley, but what appeared to be a sprawling dungeon. It was just as dark and dank and cold as the alley had been. The corner was still there. And the flashing. It was still mostly green. But there were other colors now, too. Like red. And silver. And yellow. Even blue.

Her breath hitched as three figures slowly made their way around the corner. Three very familiar figures…

The tallest of the group raised his hand and pointed what appeared to be a long stick at something she couldn't see.

"_Protego!_"

The smallest of the three, a woman by what Willow could see, knocked the tall one away as she raised her own stick.

"_Colloportus!_"

Then the three were running. Straight for her. But, for some reason, she was not afraid. She was relieved.

As they got closer, she saw why. The tall man and the short woman, they were unknown to her. But the man that followed…

"Xander?" she whispered as she looked up at the boy she had known almost her entire life. He looked different though. Strange. His hair was a little longer and a lot messier, like it was before he applied his super-strong hold gel. He was wearing glasses, too, something Willow hadn't seen him do in a very long time, not since his parents had finally realized contacts would be cheaper than replacing the glasses he seemed to somehow break every other week. He was also wearing the strangest clothes she had ever seen him in, and that was saying something. They seemed to be black slacks and a white poet-style shirt underneath a large billowing black robe.

The woman suddenly grabbed Willow's arm and gave her a sharp tug. Willow turned to her, noting that she was wearing clothes that seemed to be in the same sort of style that Xander's were in.

"What are you doing?" the woman asked as her large frightened-eyes locked with Willow's. "Come on!"

She only watched as the woman and the tall man hurried past. Xander came up to her and stopped, looking at her expectantly. She was so confused, she wanted to ask her old friend a thousand questions. Where were they? What was going on? Who were those people? What was he wearing? What was with the sticks?

But she never got to ask the questions. A booming sound from just around the corner made them seem very trivial.

She turned, wide-eyed at the sound, but was only greeted with the site of a flickering light reflecting from further down one of the side tunnels of the dungeon, suggesting strongly that something was burning not far off.

"Hurry!"

Willow was even more confused as she turned back to look at the frantic looking woman who was staring after her and Xander a few feet away with an expression of pure terror. For this time when she faced her, Willow knew her name. "Alice…"

"What are you doing, sweetheart?" Xander asked her, his heavily accented tone laced with urgency.

Willow looked down as she realized for the first time that her wand was in her hands. The thick chill that had just moments before been tearing through her flimsy blouse was now gone, pushed away by the thick robes and cloak draped around her shoulders. She blinked as her grip on her wand tightened, then looked up at her friend. "Xander…I…"

She was once again cut off as she suddenly felt a surge of dark energy tear through her veins. She turned frightened eyes to Xander. "No…Merlin, no…do you feel that?"

He nodded as a hand came up to grasp her elbow tightly and turned them so they were facing the couple that had been assigned with them. "It's _him_."

"He knows we're here," Frank murmured as he stepped closer to Alice.

Xander shook his head again. "That's it then."

Frank nodded his agreement. "We have to get out of here."

Willow felt a bolt of stubbornness zip its way over her frazzled nerves. "We still have a job to do."

Xander's gaze snapped to her, eyes fiery with protectiveness. "To hell with the job!"

"No!" Willow argued, knowing she had to win this argument or damage would be done to more than her marriage. "The Order trusts us to get this done."

"She's right," Alice said as she place a supportive hand on Willow's shoulder.

Xander looked torn for a moment, then gave a stiff nod. "All right, then."

Then they were running.

"How long will it take you?" Frank asked her over his shoulder.

"It's should be fairly simple enough," Willow replied as they hurried along the maze of tunnels. "I worry more about the Portkey not being there."

"I know Sirius, he and Edgar will have that Portkey there," Xander reassured her in a thick tone.

They turned the corner and came out of the tunnel into a larger corridor. The biggest difference between it and the one they had previously been in was that at the end of the corridor was a flight of stairs. Stairs that, if their intelligence was correct, led to a door.

"Dumbledore had best be able to get something useful from this," Alice muttered, clutching to her chest the large bottle of Penseive memories they had just managed to take from You-Know-Who's own personal Penseive.

The four of them sprinted down the hall and practically fell up the stairs in a matter of seconds. The doors to the outside world were there. But they were heavily warded.

Willow closed her eyes as she traced her wand slightly against the wards. She sighed as she studied the different charms more carefully. This was not going to be easy.

"How long?" Xander whispered in her ear.

"I need at least five minutes," she replied over her shoulder as she opened her eyes. "Maybe ten."

"You have three," Xander said with a small smile, though Willow could tell he was nothing but serious. "Alice, cover her. Frank and I will stall as long as we can."

"Hurry," Frank said in an even tone, before he and Xander hurried back down the stairs and out of sight.

Willow didn't take the time to worry. She couldn't. They didn't have it. Instead she focused all her attention on the wards in front of her.

Beside her, Alice did what she could, following Willow's movements carefully. "Oh, Merlin save us."

"Hey, Alice, we're gonna be great," Willow reassured her friend as she twirled her wand in a complex series of motions, casting down another Dark ward. "This time next week, you and Frank will be married and far away from here."

"I am looking forward to it," Alice replied, her tone light even as she broke one of the simpler charms on the doors. "Do you really think we'll enjoy this place, this…Disney?"

Willow couldn't help but smile a bit. "You'll fit right in, Alice."

"You should just tell Dumbledore and Mad-Eye to sod off and come with us," Alice told her matter-of-factly.

Willow sighed as she broke through another charm. She would have loved nothing more than to go with Alice to Disney World. It would be a nice break from war, destruction, and death. And she knew Xander would love it. Plus, watching Alice, one her best friends, and Frank play in Disney…

"We're not coming with you on your honeymoon," Willow said firmly as she brought her wand down sharply, bringing down a ward along with it.

"Oh, go on," Alice said with a small giggle. "Call it a vacation. Never know when the next opportunity for the four of us to get away together might be. I doubt it will be soon, not with these two on the way."

Willow smiled softly and took a moment to pause in her work. She placed a hand on her still flat stomach and looked down at Alice's, imagining the miracles happening within. Then she turned back to her work, silently cursing the few moments that had been wasted. "Did you tell Augusta yet?"

"We're going to wait a month," Alice replied in a tone that told Willow exactly what she thought of her future mother-in-law. "At least then she can pretend her perfect son didn't bang up his girlfriend a month before the wedding."

"Maybe after they're born, we'll all go together," Willow said softly, imagining the delight it would be to take her child with her to 'the most magical place in earth'. She giggled.

Alice laughed along with her. "Naturally."

Willow couldn't keep the smile off her face as her thoughts turned happier even as she broke through yet another charm made solely from the Dark Arts. "Imagine, Alice, if it's a boy and a girl…"

Alice snorted. "I doubt anything would come of it, not with the way they'll be raised."

"I want a big family," Willow said dreamily. "With lots of squirts. Four more at least."

Alice suddenly gasped the gasp of remembered gossip. "You know I heard from Fabian and Gideon that their sister is up the duff again!"

Willow's mouth dropped open as she swirled her wand through the air once more. "How many is that?"

"Six, I think," Alice said with a laugh. "She must be doing something right, we should probably owl her for tips."

"Are you two quite finished?"

The boy's were now standing behind the two giggling women, both looking the worse for wear. And they were in no way amused.

"Hi," Willow said as she turned back to the doors and cast down the last ward that stood between them and safety. "And yes."

Frank gave the pair of girls a withering look. "While you two have been giggling, we've been battling Death Eaters."

"Now, now, boys," Alice reassured them in that knowing tone of hers. "Don't be so testy."

"You should know better than to doubt my hand at charms," Willow told him as she shoved the doors open.

Xander stepped up out into the night, then turned to offer her his hand. She took it and he pulled her up and into his arms, holding her close as he smiled brightly. "I never will again."

"Do you always place such faith in filth?"

They didn't even take the time to release the hold they had on one another, but instantly raised their wands.

"_Protego!_"

"_Crucio!_"

The shield cast simultaneously by the four of them saved them from the weakly cast torture curse. It bounced off harmlessly.

Xander released Willow and took a protective stance in front of her. He raised his eyebrows as he faced You-Know-Who defiantly. "Not up to your usual standards, old boy."

The Dark wizard curled his lip as he brought his wand to bear on them. "The four of you have thwarted me one time too many. Time to die."

"Not tonight!" Frank shouted as Alice threw up another shield.

Xander grabbed Willow and dove for the cover of the woods as Frank and Alice ran the opposite direction. There was a noise, then they were gone, disappeared into thin air.

"Xander!" she screamed as she clutched at him.

"Apparate!" he whispered in her ear. "Quick!"

"I can't," she nearly sobbed. Where was the Portkey? Had You-Know-Who gotten rid of it?

"With me, then," Xander whispered as he held her close.

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

The green light flashed once more and she closed her eyes, willing Xander to hurry, to make it.

"No!" Willow screamed as she tightened her grip on Xander.

But he wasn't there. He disappeared like mist in her arms.

Then a hand clapped down on her shoulder. "Willow?"

She whirled around, raising her wand up at her attacker. "_Expelliarmus!_"

But her wand wasn't there. With nothing to focus the magic she had called up, the energy shot out of her hand erratically, not disarming her attacker but instead sending her sailing back into the wall of one of the buildings lining the alley.

"Willow!" someone shouted at her from far away, but she didn't care. She had to protect him, she would do anything to protect him, and if she couldn't use magic she would use the means she had learned from Sirius back in Fifth Year.

"No!" she screamed as she pounced on the person who had turned her life into a nightmare. "You will not touch him!"

She didn't know exactly what she was doing. She was just so blinded by the wrongness of it all, of everything being gone, of all that she had had turning to ash…"You can't! You hear me! You can't! I will never let you! He's mine!"

Then there were arms and she was being hauled away. But what calmed her was that the aura belonging to the arms was a familiar one. "Willow!"

Willow pushed against the arms, trying desperately to protect him. "No, she can't have you!"

He quickly spun her around so that she was facing him and looked deep into her eyes. "Willow. Willow?"

Willow looked back up at Xander. Xander Harris. Her best friend. He was looking at her, eyes filled with panicked sort of concern. And she was…totally confused. "Xander?"

His breath was hard and ragged as he looked down at her. "Will…"

"Oh, god," she murmured as she flung herself in his arms. She held him tightly as tears filled her eyes and the panic slowly faded, replaced by fear. "Oh. You…he…he tried to kill you."

"I'm right here, Willow," he whispered as he held her, hands running over her as he tried to comfort her.

"Please, don't leave me," she begged as she clutched him fiercely. "Don't leave me again."

He gently pushed her back so he could look down at her. It was then she realized that they were in the alley. They were in Los Angeles and it was a hot, muggy morning.

"Willow, what is going on?" Xander asked her softly as he cupped her cheek with his hand.

She didn't answer him, but stared over his shoulder. On down the alley, a garbage truck was making its way down the row of dumpsters, green warning light flashing as it moved in reverse. But even closer were Dawn, Faith, and Buffy. They were almost frozen in place, staring at Willow in a mixture fear, shock, and confusion. And being helped by the three girls was Kennedy. Also staring at Willow. Face red, lip split, and nose bloody from where Willow had hit her repeatedly.

"Kennedy," Willow started as the horrible realization of what she had just done forced its way into her mind. She pulled away from Xander and moved around him, tentatively stepping towards her lover. "Oh, Kennedy, I'm so--"

Kennedy's face hardened and she sharply waved her hand out in front of her. "Don't."

Willow stopped moving towards her, but continued to shake her head. "I didn't mean to. I didn't know it was you."

Kennedy looked at her in disbelief. "But you could tell it was Xander."

"It's just…it's different," Willow tried to explain though she had no clue what had happened. "I thought you were…I can feel Xander differently. I've known him longer."

Kennedy stared at her for a few moments before her hard mask faded away, revealing an emotionally drained young girl. "I can't do this anymore, Willow…"

"W-what?" Willow mumbled in shock, heart nearly breaking as Kennedy's strength melted away into sorrow. "No. I-I'm sorry. Really sorry. It was an accident."

"An accident?" Kennedy repeated as tears started to fall from her blinking eyes. "Who were you protecting from me, Willow?"

Willow knew the answer, it was clear. But with Kennedy's insecurities over Xander, the answer would be the fatal blow to her and Kennedy's struggling relationship. "I…I…"

"I'm sorry, Willow, but I just can't live like this," Kennedy told her. Strength seemed to return to the young Slayer as she resolved herself to what was happening. "We've been over since Sunnydale, maybe even before. I know it. Everyone else knows it. I can't live wondering when you're gonna finally know it too."

Willow's head was spinning. "Kennedy? This is too fast. I…I don't understand."

Kennedy suddenly closed the distance between them and took Willow's hand tenderly in hers. "Do you even want to be with me?"

Willow stared into those large brown eyes, but couldn't say anything. For they were the wrong shade of brown…

"I…" she tried, though it came out as some sort of desperate squeak.

Kennedy shook her head as she brought her hands up to cup Willow's face. "Shh. It's okay. You don't have to lie. It's okay. I loved you. Still do. But I don't want you to feel like you need to be with me just because. I don't want you with me if you can't love me like I love you."

"Kennedy, I…I…I do!" Willow tried desperately, still unable to say the words themself. "I really do! Just…I need to work this out, but I know! I know I can, I--"

But Kennedy released Willow and took a step back from her. "Maybe you could if circumstances were different. Maybe. And I know you do love me…in a way. But you're not in love with me. And I won't stand in the way of the love you do have."

Willow blinked as she was confused even more by Kennedy's words. "I--"

"It was great, Willow," Kennedy said, this time in a tone that left no room for any arguments. "But it's time we move on to better things, not stay in something that isn't meant to be. I'm still your friend, Willow. But I can't give you what you need."

And with that, Kennedy turned and walked away.

After a few moments of silence, Buffy appeared at Willow's side and Faith took off after Kennedy. Buffy put a hand on her arm and gave it a supportive squeeze. "I'm sorry, Willow."

Willow barely heard the Slayer and most certainly did not reply. She could only watch as Kennedy walked out of her life. A life that she knew in her heart was somehow flawed.

A/N: Wow. That was extremely hard to write, mainly because I don't like Kennedy. Hope it's not too noticeable.

As far as the flashback goes, to spell it out for the people that didn't get it, Frank and Alice were the Longbottoms. I know, just because both couples defied Voldemort three times apiece didn't mean they defied him at the same times. But, hey, odds are they defied him together at least once. Maybe. And just so I explain this now, Willow and Xander won't refer to themselves as James and Lily, not in any of their flashbacks, even if other people do. For them to acknowledge that would have consequences.

Don't forget to review!


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